The Metastatic Breast Cancer Journey
Stories of Hope with Action Items for Survival
“You will keep in perfect peace all who trust in you, all whose thoughts are fixed on you!” ~Isaiah 26:3 ()
No one wants that call from the doctor: “You have cancer.” It is a life-changing instant. Immediately your mind considers questions you never wanted to ponder. Can I fight this? How will this affect my family? What if I die? And a million others come to mind. However, it is also an opportunity to truly test your faith and trust in God.
“What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson
I thought I was close to God. But when I received the diagnosis of invasive ductal carcinoma in my left breast, fear gripped me like a vice. Deep down I always thought it could never happen to me. I was healthy and I did everything right like my doctor recommended. My fiftieth birthday was just four days away, and I asked “why me?”
I was just recouping from adrenal cancer in June 2013 and I decided it was time to get my mammogram. I was surprised to be diagnosed with invasive ductal carcinoma of the breast. Two cancers in one year! How could I muster the strength to go through this again? But I did. I proceeded with the prescribed treatment. I had chemotherapy, a lumpectomy, radiation, and later breast reconstruction. I fought like a warrior. It was challenging and very difficult at times, but I got through it.
Ever since my diagnosis of cancer it seems like I have become even more self-absorbed than usual. I was sharing this with a friend when she shared a funny story by Joyce Meyer, a minister and conference speaker. Joyce would wake up in the morning with a lot of negativity. She would rehearse how bad she had it. That sounded familiar. I was intrigued by this story, so I looked her up on YouTube.
“Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.” ~Mark 11:24
From the time I can remember, “acting as if your prayers had already been answered” was my mantra. Since childhood, visualizing a positive outcome and working toward it was my goal. Once I set my mind in that direction, the fear always dissolved because God was in the plan and I believed.
The one treatment I had feared the most was radiation. I pictured all kinds of negative images: a loud machine, a sterile cold room, rushed preoccupied staff, pain during the treatment, debilitating side effects during treatment that would hinder my ability to work and take care of my family, and long-term side effects.
The name Helga means holy or blessed, and in a way, I was blessed to slip into a cancellation slot with the physical therapist while I was already in the building. Her time is in high demand and we were having trouble synchronizing our schedules. That’s not why I call her Helga. I did not feel blessed by the time she finished with me. Helga is the wife of Hagar the Horrible in the once popular cartoon strips. Helga is the founder of the Hufflepuff house in the Harry Potter series. Helga is the name I assign to women who inflict pain instead of pleasure.