What About Me?
Anonymous
My Story
Ever since my diagnosis of cancer it seems like I have become even more self-absorbed than usual. I was sharing this with a friend when she shared a funny story by Joyce Meyer, a minister and conference speaker. Joyce would wake up in the morning with a lot of negativity. She would rehearse how bad she had it. That sounded familiar. I was intrigued by this story, so I looked her up on YouTube.
Sure enough, Joyce shared her story and then gave a hilarious performance of a woman marching around the room like the energizer bunny repeating a chant, “What about me, what about me, what about me?” I watched it again and again. I laughed until I cried. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I was reminded of the way my life was going. I later found out she had been the victim of incest, abuse, and divorce and even had a history of breast cancer. But my goodness, what she overcame and how she is helping so many others today.
I had a diagnosis of breast cancer. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? I am a good person. I did everything right! I had children, I breastfed, I watched my weight, I exercised, I avoided alcohol, and I have no family history. With my ranting I made everyone around me miserable. I made myself miserable as well. I would take it out, not only of the people who loved me, but also on my treatment team and my doctors.
One another occasion, I ran across a statement on the cover of a TobyMac album. It said, “Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a battle you know nothing about.” My first reaction was, everyone should think of me when they read this. Poor me! Everyone should be nice to me. However, when I looked at this again, I realized someone might be going through something far worse than me. I remembered Joyce Meyer again. That was a different way of thinking from my selfish bent.
I hate to admit this, but I would even get angry that I was the patient and my treatment staff was healthy. I sometimes wished I could trade places with them in what I perceived was their picture perfect world without a care. But one day, I heard that someone was out with a sick child, and later someone else out from a dying family member and later someone who was always kind and cheerful to me was out with a serious medical condition. My eyes were open that all of us have disappointments, problems and medical challenges. I soon began to realize the oncology professionals were people too. But they act like professionals and do not talk about it. They focus on their job, which is to take care of me. I even read how oncologists had a high rate of burn out. I thought oh my, it must be hard for all these health professionals to give day after day. They see humanity at its worst and yet they seem cheerful and are very patient with difficult folks like me. What would we folks with cancer do if they all quit their jobs?
How I Got Through It
I saw that most of my life and especially during my treatment my mind was always saying, “What about me?” Therefore I stopped focusing on me and started looking outward. I asked others how they were doing and I began to count my blessings as a patient.
These two simple yet powerful examples stated above changed my selfish attitude. I now lie in my bed and rehearse all the good in my life before I start my day. I express to my family, friends and my medical team how grateful I am for them. I have thanked my doctors for all their years of training to treat those of us with cancer. I even tell them to make sure they enjoy their loved ones and to take care of themselves. I am learning to get myself off my mind.
Action Items
Rehearse all the good in your life each day. Be grateful for another day of life. If you tend to be more melancholy like me, keep a daily gratitude journal. You may start by listing three things in the comments below for which you are grateful that happened yesterday.
As you think ahead, make an effort to do something nice for someone else, even something as simple as asking your friends and family about how they are. Don’t dominate the conversations or make everything always about you and your cancer treatment. Your friends and family need support as well. You might bring in a card, desserts or even lunch to your medical team thanking them for their help in curing or treating your cancer. And remember; be nice, they could be going through a battle of which you are unaware.