I Quit
I. M. Poppy
“‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” ~Jeremiah 33:3 (AKJV)
My Story
One evening near the end of my wife Vicki’s 5-year brave battle with cancer, she was having an extreme anxiety attack. She didn’t appear to have any acute pain but was desperate. She cried, she moaned, she rocked, and she shook her bed and pleaded with God “take me home.” Two of my daughters and their significant others sat with me in our bedroom. We tried our best to console her. We all hugged and cried and prayed together. It was a horrible experience. Finally, with the help of medications, she settled and slept. We too settled and the girls went home.
Then in the early, early morning she repeated the episode just for me. Exhausted and distraught, I became angry at God. I quit! Right then and there I quit God, I quit Christianity, and I quit faith and belief. How could any kind, loving, caring God allow such pain and suffering? My wife was not completely innocent of sin but she was an angel on Earth. She always put others first. Even during her time with Hospice, she put others’ care and comfort ahead of her pain. In my opinion, at that moment, God was mean and unfair. In anger I took down every cross in my house, every portrait of Jesus, every Bible and figurine and put them in a box. I didn’t need them anymore. I deleted the Bible app from my phone and tablet too. I quit and I went to bed.
During the entirety of my wife’s battle with cancer, the number 333 was prevalent. She would frequently awake at 3:33 a.m. She would see that number everywhere and in everything. Our middle daughter had been experiencing this phenomenon as well. Our entire family became in tune with that number. One Christmas my wife was feeling well enough to attend a Christmas fair with her best friend. She walked into a booth and saw the Scripture Jeremiah 33:3. She was overcome with joy and knew immediately it was God’s message meant for her. Our family lived off of that verse for years. I still do.
If you’ll recall, I had quit, handed in my resignation to God. I went to bed spiritually unemployed. The next morning I awoke earlier than usual. I reached for my phone. There was an email pop-up with the verse of the day from Bible.com. Apparently I hadn’t canceled that account before going to bed. The message was already on the screen. To do anything else on my phone, I had to read that verse. The very first words God shared with me after my childish, selfish rant were Jeremiah 33:2-3 (KJV). “Thus saith the Lord the maker thereof, the Lord that formed it, to establish it; the Lord is his name.” Right then and there God reassured me He had heard my cries. He refused my resignation and, in fact, He was promoting me. You see there is only one verse that I could read that morning that would have restored my faith. God knew. The addition of 33:2 reminded me that He is control, and that I should trust Him and His plan. I took everything back out of the box and thanked God for His never-ending love, and prayed for His forgiveness.
A few months before I wrote this story, the Lord called my wife home. Three days later, I sat in our bedroom alone, preparing to read the Bible. I started the Bible app on my tablet and selected the first plan listed. To my amazement, the day’s reading for that plan was Jeremiah 33.
I used to believe that the “great and mighty things” would be my wife’s healing—a cure for her cancer. Now I know that the great and mighty things are the endless power and love of God. I know that Vicki is witnessing the great and mighty things of heaven, in the presence of the Lord our savior Jesus Christ. I miss her, but even more, I am happy for her. Praise the Lord for His grace, guidance, love and wisdom. During Vicki’s fight with cancer the Lord moved powerfully in our lives. We are forever changed. Once I was a casual believer—someone that was awkward in speaking about God. I now willingly speak of the Father, the Son and Holy Spirit with joy. God touched us all during that time as He continues today. You might say my wife gave her life to introduce me to God.
How I Got Through It
Not only was the message from Jeremiah sent to my wife, but through her to the family. It became a rallying point and a reminder that through God all things are possible. This Scripture gave all of us strength but mostly it supported my wife. Vicki worked throughout her treatment, which included multiple chemotherapy sessions, radiation treatments, and surgeries. She handled herself with such dignity, such class, with a desire to live every day as normal as possible. She was and is an inspiration to us all. She drew her strength from God and returned that to us with love and care.
Action Items
I encourage anyone facing a problem to look for ways God is active in their life. Look past the coincidence. If you have a favorite Scripture, write it below and commit it to memory. If you don’t have a favorite Scripture, find one. Open your heart to find that message that can be your calling card, which can be the words you and your family live by—the words that define you and your love for God. God’s message is so incredibly powerful. Embrace it—you’ll never regret it. Reflect on these things and record your thoughts in your private journal, or write a comment below and share your thoughts with others.