It’s official! I am no longer employed. (Insert Fanfare and clashing symbols.) Thus ends the last decade and chapter of my life.
I’m calling it “early retirement,” since that’s how it feels. I have previously blogged about being disabled yet not always feeling disabled, and taking time off for self-care. You may have read some of those. To recap, I have not been working as a full-time faculty this entire year due to my metastatic breast cancer diagnosis. I did work for three years from 2016-2019 while undergoing treatment, but I found I just couldn’t keep up the same pace I used to do. Workloads were increasing as well as demands, and there was no reprieve in sight. My body was constantly feeling stressed and needing a break.
Honestly, it’s a full-time job just keeping up with my doctors and scans and treatment. Some weeks I have three or four visits in a row. And while other weeks I have none, brain fog sets in or my back hurts or I get tired and just need a nap. I don’t typically complain about it, but it is reality. We decided it is better for me to spend the energy I have with the hubby, doing ministry, playing with the grandkids, and enjoying life rather than grading papers. The older I get, the more I realize the importance of spending time with the important people in my life.
“At twenty-one, so many things appear … permanent.”
Orson Welles
Through our 35 years of marriage, my husband and I have learned to value change and transition in life together. We began the process of downsizing last year in preparation for this moment. We moved to a smaller house and paid off debt. I filed for disability at the beginning of this year, which progressed from short-term to long-term to SSDI (Social Security Disability Income). Our income has drastically decreased, but we are making it. We have stepped out in faith to begin a new ministry, and we know God will take care of us. He always does!
Aside, long-term disability insurance is well worth it. If your employer does not pay for it but provides it as an option, take it! If you never use it, you are blessed. But if you need it, you will feel doubly blessed!
FMLA ran out in March, but my company kept me as an employee on an ADA accommodation in case I was able to come back. They wanted me to come back, but I don’t see how I could. It has been an emotional process, honestly. One spends a lifetime developing an identity, career, and sense of self. Admitting I have a terminal illness and will not go back to work has been a bit daunting. Yet, I know how important it is to take care of myself. I imagine the questions I have been asking are very similar to the a retiree’s experience, so I consider myself retired….
🤔🤔 What do I do now?? 🤔🤔
You’ve probably been our Airstream videos…so that’s one thing. 😁
In retrospect, I left my job at just the right time. God’s timing is always perfect, and I don’t know why I sometimes fail to listen better. He knew what He was doing when He prompted us to downsize and stop working in January. He knew the plans He had in store for me, plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)!
He also knew the pandemic would have been a challenge to navigate as well! In the last few months, as rumors turned into reality my employer started downsizing. One might think online education companies would be booming during a pandemic, but apparently people are not enrolling at the same rate because they are not working. It seems every change in these “unprecedented times” results in a very large snowball affecting many more people in its path. My university has gone through multiple changes — even more since the beginning of this year — which means heavier and heavier faculty workloads amongst other things that concern me. They started downsizing.
My separation from the company is voluntary. I’d love to tell you all about it, but I am bound by a confidentiality clause: “Unless required to do so by subpoena or as otherwise required by law, you agree not to disseminate or disclose the fact of or terms of this Agreement, the discussions leading to this Agreement, or any subsidiary undertakings required by this Agreement, except to immediate family, government agencies, legal counsel, or tax advisers as may become necessary.”
🤔🤔🤔 Hmmmm. It didn’t take long to decide. I would have been terminated anyway, due to my FMLA running out, so this was kinda a “no brainer.” I’d rather leave voluntarily. Suffice it to say, my full-time career permanently ended yesterday. Permanent sounds so…final. Perhaps my full-time job has ended, but I will never cease to learn and grow.
“We are by nature observers, and thereby learners. That is our permanent state.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
October 16th. My mother who is now in Heaven would have been 80 years old on my last day of employment. It was her birthday. Ironic how important dates seem to intersect across one’s lifespan.
I feel blessed to have worked for a company over the past eleven years that provides good benefits, in addition to working for previous employers who provided retirement benefits. As I said before, God is good and He will take care of me and my family. If there is anything I learned from my mother, it is to have faith in God. He will supply all your needs.
This may sound a bit strange, but in some ways I consider myself “lucky” to have this diagnosis (as opposed to alternative options). I feel pretty good overall (always subject to change, of course). I generally have strength and energy to do things I love. I get to spend time with my family, compose music, go on bike rides, write blogs, take walks, learn French, write books, travel, draw, enjoy nature, check off my bucket list, and do things I want to do. More importantly, I am looking forward to pursuing deeper meaning and purpose by listening to what God wants. I wish for the final years of my life to glorify the Lord, serve Him, and point others to Him…whatever I do. I may be no longer employed, but I will do the Lord’s work for the rest of my life.
“Whatever you say or do should be done in the name of the Lord Jesus, as you give thanks to God the Father because of him.”
Colossians 3:17 CEV
Á la prochaine…until next time…
