A week on the lake is food for the soul. I could eat like this every day. We’ve taken in a lot on our walks around the park and down by the lake. And for those who may think Tim is all play and no work, here’s the view from our office. He’s in a meeting while I’m typing this. 🤪🤪 We have also been to Panera Bread and McDonald’s, where the WIFI is strong. Nothing is close, as we are way out in the boonies here, so we usually make a day or at least a half-day of it when we go into town.
I’m listening to Contemporary Christian music on Pandora. I just heard a new song by Sara Groves. Have you heard it?
I’m not sure if it’s the environment, or the medicine they have me on for this neuropathy study, but my feeling is coming back in my hands and legs. I still have some tingling in my fingers, but when we walk I don’t feel like my legs are as heavy. My balance is also much better. I have a total of 60 days on the medicine for the study. Once it’s gone, they said the neuropathy shouldn’t come back after that! Fingers crossed and prayers going up for that as well!
We will be here one more night, then we take the rig to DFW Airstream for some warranty work before we head home. And, our awning needs replacing (hence the umbrella), so they will also take care of it when we drop it off. Unfortunately the awning is not under warranty due to user error 🙄. That happened on our very first road trip to Florida. Lesson learned.
We’ll leave the Airstream at the dealership for two weeks as we will be back up this way for an Airstream Rally at the end of September, and the Balloon Fiesta the following week. That will save us pulling it down and back from Houston to Dallas. Bonus!
Sunset on Lake Tawakoni
À la prochaine…hasta la próxima vez…until next time!
After chemo we hooked up the Airstream and headed north to Lake Tawakoni (Tah-WAH-kuh-nee). It’s near Point Texas, east of Dallas, about 3.5 hours from our house. Looks like a nice, quiet place to sit for a week. Tim will be working from the trailer, or the nearest Panera Bread, and I will be sipping tea while doing whatever it is that I do. 🤪🤪
The hook-up went much smoother than we expected. We timed it, and from start to finish we were ready to leave the storage unit in less than 45 minutes. That included hosing down the rig and putting air in the tires, which we don’t always do. This storage facility has everything from a dump station to air and water.
One tank of gas made it all the way up, but we didn’t get as good of gas mileage as we had hoped. This truck does tow better than the Ram, though, which is why we traded in the first place.
Luckily, a spot was open right on the lake. It’s idyllic. Big trees will block the heat and separate us from other guests. We have a great view of the sunset. Tim backed into the camping spot like a pro. 🤩🤩 We had to use our levelers for the first time in a while.
Just after sunset.
Unhitching the trailer and setting up camp also went pretty smoothly, with only one tiny hiccup. We were getting a little tired by this point as it was already dinnertime, and we had a long day. He hurt his hand when he was taking off the first sway bar. 😳😳🙄 I think he was trying to hurry the process along as we were getting hungry, and he took it off out of order. His hand got caught between the propane tank cover and the tool, and of course this is the one time he wasn’t wearing his gloves. I had to push the tank cover over to get it unstuck. This resulted in some fairly good scrapes on his hand and on the tank cover, but fortunately nothing is broken. There were a few tense moments that nearly cost us our religion. 😳🤪
We had spaghetti for dinner, which is when we discovered one of the propane tanks is empty. (The stove wouldn’t light.) Hopefully the other tank will last the whole week, but we may need to buy more. Also, I forgot to turn on the fridge before we left 🙄, so the cold food will need to stay in the cooler until morning.
We finished just in time to see the sunset and go for a walk around the park. Regardless of the troubles and trials we face, we are still very much in love and enjoy the time we have together. Thirty-seven years of marriage have taught us a thing or two about learning how to communicate, manage conflict, say “I’m sorry,” and forgive each other. This is the value of putting the Lord first in our marriage.
It’s a great day to be alive!
À la prochaine…hasta la próxima vez…until next time!
I am not even close to reaching my goal of reading one book per month this year. Can you believe it’s already August? We have been a bit busy on other projects. However, I did just finish a book that I thought warranted a review. It’s called Helping Couples: Proven Strategies for Coaches, Counselors & Clergy, by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott and Dr. David H. OIson (published in 2021 by Zondervan).
I had a hard time putting it down. I finished it in a few hours. I highly recommend it if you do any work or research with couples. Even if you don’t, if you are married or contemplating marriage, this book holds value for you and your mate.
These authors may sound familiar to you. They are all famous authors and researchers. They have appeared on The Today Show, Oprah, Good Morning America, and more venues. They have all developed reliable, validated assessments for premarital and marriage counseling.
While some may think of them as competitors in the marital assessment market, they worked together to provide us with a brief history of how marital and couple therapy research got started, as well as provided a plethora of information about working with couples from an evidence-based perspective. Their book is graced with humility, as they share the information they have learned through their collective years of research, yet I never got the impression they were “tooting their own horn,” so to speak.
Drs. Parrott and Olson are giants in the field of premarital and marriage counseling, and even bigger giants as it pertains to research. They started researching couple therapy in the 1960s and 1970s, and haven’t stopped since. They are what we call scholar-practitioners, meaning they built a solid practice based on years of research. Over half a million “marriage champions” (I like that term), and over five million couples have been studied over the years to contribute to the information found in this tiny, but mighty, little book.
Helping Couples is just six chapters long, in addition to an introduction and conclusion. It’s only 141 pages and an easy read. The actual text ends on page 113. That’s because there are so many studies referenced in the text, they needed twenty pages to include them all in their Notes. Twenty pages of references! Many of the studies they conducted with their own teams of colleagues, but they also reference other important researchers and practitioners that have contributed valuable information to our field. They claim they did not write a comprehensive book, and it wasn’t meant to be. But it seems to me their research is pretty exhaustive.
Here are some highlights you will find in the book Helping Couples, in random order.
Lots of quotes by theologians, authors, counselors, philosophers, and more to supplement the text. One of my favorites was this quote by G. K. Chesterson: “Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel,” (as it pertains to your relationship being unique.)
Descriptions of various components of the SYMBIS (Parrots) and PREPARE/ENRICH (Olson) Programs. Both have value, depending on your particular style and interest. Also, both require training and certification to use with couples. Using the right assessment is critical in your work with couples. (I am a certified facilitator and trainer of facilitators for PREPARE/ENRICH, so it was helpful to learn more about SYMBIS.)
Interesting stories from their early days of counseling. My favorite story was told in Chapter 6 by Dr. Olson. I literally gasped and then laughed out loud while I was reading in the café. He wrote about the first time he ever did couples therapy. No one had done it before, as person-centered and psychoanalysis with individuals were the therapeutic models. Yet, here they were working with a married couple in the same room at the same time. It’s not just the novelty of the first experience. He provided a little background on the couple, which is quite intriguing given their personal issues. I won’t spoil it for you, but it is worth the read.
A good reminder of Gottman’s Four Horses of the Apocalypse. One of more of these “caution flags” inevitably precede a divorce. The presence or absence of these can predict marital success or failure at a 90% rate.
A chapter on intimacy, which is the emotion in the marriage. The authors report that “intimacy is the number one predictor of happiness–or unhappiness–in a marriage.”
Information on empathy. Couples need empathy for one another. When we move from “I” language to “we” language we begin to work together rather than against each other.
The 31% factor. You can help a couple reduce their chances of divorce by 31%. It’s proven time and again in the research.
A stage set for helping couples find lasting love, not just love.
I could go on, but I’ll stop there for now. I recommend this book to anyone who is in the helping business. Whether you are clergy, coaches, counselors, or marriage and family therapists, YOU are a marriage champion! Thank you for the work you do. Helping Couples is written for you.
Leave a comment below and let me know what you think. Be sure to tell me if you pick up the book, and what you think of it after you read it. You can purchase it on the Prepare/Enrich website for $9.00. Click this link to go to their store.
À la prochaine…hasta la próxima vez…until next time!
I have been accepted to participate in a study at MD Anderson titled, “Optimizing Neurofeedback to Treat Chemotherapy Induced Peripheral Neuropathy.” That’s a mouthful! Basically, they are looking at neuropathy treatment options, and we will be making history. In case you don’t know what neuropathy is, you can read more here. My mom had diabetic neuropathy, and I never fully understood what she was experiencing. Now I do.
I don’t talk abut side effects of my treatment much, but when this study came up I thought it might help. My mother’s neuropathy was much worse, but I do have chemo-induced peripheral neuropathy in my feet, legs, and hands. My fingers tingle and itch at random times throughout the day. It makes playing the piano and typing on the keyboard a bit of a challenge. My legs feel like I have 20 pound weights tied to them, so I walk slower than my usual slowness. I sometimes have trouble with balance because my feet do not fully feel the ground beneath me. I have not fallen so it could be worse. And my feet feel like I am wearing socks with gravel inserted just south of my toes. Even when I am wearing sandals or walking around barefooted.
This study is looking at whether medication alone, neurofeedback alone, or the combination of the two has the best effect on peripheral neuropathy. At least that’s my understanding. We will be randomly assigned to the three groups listed above. Since everyone in the study gets some form of treatment for neuropathy, I agreed to try it out. It will last about a year and I will need to come downtown 2-3 times during that period. All the rest can be done from home. They hypothesize that since neuropathy is a neurological disorder, neurofeedback should help. They believe the treatment will retrain the brain to re-connect the nerves where they are intended to feel. Pretty cool when you think about it. Our brains are amazing creations.
I am here today to do the initial screening, and find out what group I’m in. Tim was kind enough to drive me downtown, and we actually got here early! My arm feels naked. This is the first time I’ve been to MD Anderson at any facility when they didn’t give me an armband with my MRN and DOB on it. No armband at all.
During today’s appointment they will be taking an EEG. It will be my first time doing that scan as well. This entails wearing a cap, which will contain a conductive gel on the inside. This gel will be coming in contact with my hair and scalp. They say the gel has no odor and comes out easily in the shower. I told Tim I might have a funny hairdo when I come out. They will be doing some brain mapping.
All expenses, including parking if I drive myself here, will be covered by the study. They will ship me the neurofeedback equipment (if I’m in one of those two groups). Unfortunately, it only works with Windows on a PC. If you know me at all, you know I’m definitely a Mac person so I will need to get a PC with Windows to participate in the study. It could be helpful to have an inexpensive computer for back-up and for guests to use. It’s either that, or I have to come downtown three times per week to do the treatment.
I’ll keep you posted on how the treatment goes, as well as the study if I am privy to the results.
À la prochaine…hasta la próxima vez…until next time!
Today is the first day of treatment since my Medicare kicked in. I wasn’t sure how it would work out, so I checked in early with high hopes to manage expectations. They assured me, it’s all taken care of. They assured me. there’s no charge for today’s visits. Whew! I’m still keeping my fingers crossed.
I also saw my oncologist this morning. I had a nice chat with the nurse about our recent motorcycle trip up north, and we talked about my mother-in-law’s passing. I also learned that my doctor recently had covid, so we aren’t the only ones. It’s going around, even amongst those who have been vaccinated. He apparently caught it at a conference. We laughed about how he holed up in a hotel to quarantine from his family. Since he couldn’t go out for food, his wife would bring him meals and leave it on the floor outside the door “like I had leprosy.” The quarantine is worse than the virus, in some cases. My caregivers have been with me for more than five years now. We have developed a good rapport, so it’s always pleasant when I go and see them.
My doc said he has to reload both of my infusions during this treatment, because it’s been more than six weeks since my last treatment (thanks Covid 🙄). Yesterday was exactly six weeks. If I had come in on Tuesday, we could have just reloaded the one. Herceptin has to be reloaded after four weeks, and Perjeta after six weeks. We try not to do that, but times like these it’s hard to avoid.
It’s going to be a long wait. I have 90 minutes of Herceptin and 60 minutes of Perjeta. Usually it is 30 and 30. I’m going to hit The Woodlands during rush hour. Oy vey…
My computer is full of juice, I have my Diet Coke by my side, and a warm blanket is on my legs. I’m ready to go!
I forgot to put on my port cream, but Warren is a good nurse. I didn’t feel a thing. He got good blood return and no problems with the port. Thumbs up…👍.
While sitting here, I received a text from a friend, whose friend was just diagnosed with breast cancer. They found it on her first mammogram. Fortunately they caught it early, and she can have a lumpectomy. It doesn’t matter the stage, it’s still hard to hear.
I am always empathic toward those who are newly diagnosed. The emotions are overwhelming. If ever you have heard a doctor say the “c” word, you know what I’m talking about. I pray for these women, as it’s a tough road. It’s a change in identity. We are part of a club we never wanted to join. Fortunately, there are lots of treatment options and we are living longer than we ever have in the past. God has blessed some amazing people with great knowledge and skills to treat and even cure the worse of cancers.
À la prochaine…hasta la próxima vez…until next time!
I’ve never seen a bear climb a pole before. Have you? Before you get worried that we were in danger, we were watching this unfold from the viewing deck at the North American Bear Center in Ely Minnesota, one of the intentional stops we made along our motorcycle path. Somewhere in the middle of Superior National Forest is a home to some rescued black bears, and some wild ones as well. We saw a squirrel do this just a few minutes earlier, but much faster 😂😂. It’s worth the 23 seconds to watch…
I learned a lot about black bears. For example, they don’t attack humans. They might chuff and stomp and throatily moan, but they do not growl (wolf sound effects are dubbed in for the movies). And they even have a white coat in some parts, unrelated to the polar bear and, no, they are not albinos. Lots of things to read in this place. The bear in the video is Holly. She is the matriarch of the bears at the Center.
Riding to the HOG rally, Duluth MI, our last day.
For the past decade we have looked forward to a big ride every summer. Some years we have gone on more than one trip. At the end of the ride we immediately began planning our next one. Last year we rode two bikes to Colorado, Lake Michigan, and Tennessee on three separate trips.
In December we sold the bikes.
We didn’t experience any remorse when we sold the bikes. We had ridden in all 48 states on two wheels. We’ve experienced rain, heat, hail, perfect days and not-so-perfect days, break-downs and bumps in the road that nearly fling you off your seat. We’ve seen a lot of sites. After our Tennessee trip, we didn’t immediately start planning another trip like we had in the past. 🤷♀️🤷♀️
After two days of riding home in the cold rain (insert claps of thunder sounds), perhaps we were burned out. Or maybe we just felt like we had accomplished our goal. Our bucket list was complete. In all reality, we aren’t really sure why, but we decided to do something different.
We plan to travel more using our Airstream. And, we will rent a Harley in far away places, where we can’t ride to (or don’t want to take the extra days to ride to). We will likely buy one someday in the near future.
Some people might wonder what this has to do with metastatic breast cancer. After all, that’s the purpose of my blog. It’s about livingwith metastatic breast cancer. We decided a long time ago we would not let life pass us by. We will continue to live life to the fullest as long as I have breath and energy to do so. We are taking John 10:10 literally, embracing the abundant life Jesus has given us.
The Ride. When they announced the national HOG touring rally was going around Lake Superior, we signed up as soon as registration opened. It’s a follow-up to the Lake Michigan tour we went on last year. It’s fun meeting up with other HOG enthusiasts as well as some executives who keep Harley-Davidson in check. We mapped out our route, and found the nearest dealership to rent a bike. We joined Eagle Rider to save on the rental cost.
Coop, meet our ride for the week! I promise she isn’t snubbing you, she’s just sad she can’t go along for the ride. 🤪😂
We rented the gunmetal gray Road Glide Limited pictured above from Harley-Davidson of Madison (Wisconsin). That’s a wonderful dealership. They stored our car for us as well. They are super nice and helpful people there. Alissa helped us with the rental, and another worker also helped connect Tim’s phone to bluetooth.
A sales guy tried real hard to sell Tim the CVO when we came back through. Tempting!! 😁
Because we were renting, we could not take the bike into Canada. That was a bummer, as it was part of the reason we chose this rally. I suppose we could have just tried it, but Eagle Rider wouldn’t cover any costs if there was an accident. Better not to risk it. We met the rally in Marquette Michigan, then went on an adventure of our own. They headed east to circle the lake counter-clockwise. We headed west and planned to meet them in Duluth.
The weather was beautiful from Madison to Marquette. The next day we rode west. Saw another Wisconsin sign, through Duluth, and on to International Falls through the national forest. Got rained on that day, but we did make it all the way to Duluth without getting wet.
Sad News. On the way to International Falls we got a call from Tim’s brother and sister. We were on a back road and had to find a place to pull over. His mom fell asleep with a cigarette in her mouth, while hooked up to her oxygen. She burned her face and tongue pretty badly. We stayed on course as they said Hospice was taking care of her. (She was already on home Hospice and was not given long to live.) We had planned to stop by on the way back through, and they thought she would be okay in a few days.
The next day we were on our way to Grand Portage Minnesota (by the Canadian border) when we got the call that his mom had passed away. I think this was just about the time we stopped at the Bear Center. Apparently, Hospice transported her to a Hospice House where they planned to care for her a few days. They gave her some morphine, and less than an hour later she was gone. It was July 27, 2022. She was 77 years old.
We have since learned the smoke inhalation (combined with her COPD and heart problems) lead to her death. They ruled it an accident. It’s a sad and traumatic way to die. She may have lived a few weeks longer had she not had the accident, but we are comforted by the fact that she was ready to go. She has been ready for a while now.
We were also happy we got to see her and spend some time with her on the way up. We played Yahtzee, had lunch together (she ate a whole meal with dessert), and chatted on the front porch. She talked about meeting Bill in heaven soon. Our last memories of her were positive, and we felt encouraged. She was a wonderful mother-in-law, and I will miss her.
Of course, this news put a bit of a damper on our motorcycle trip. We decided to cancel the last leg and head to his mom’s house from Duluth so Tim could meet with the family regarding arrangements. Canada is a long way up there! We had to return the motorcycle, so it wasn’t exactly a straight path. It would take us three days from the time we left Grand Portage.
We met with his siblings on Ruth Ann’s porch Sunday afternoon (yesterday), and went over the memorial and burial arrangements. It’s always interesting when family gets together 🙄.
Left to Right: Rick, Deidre, Deborah, Tim
Ruth Ann wanted to be cremated, which is probably a good thing given her condition at death. The coroner held her body to do their investigation, and finally released the death certificate this morning. On our way out of town, we met with the probate office, the funeral home, went by the cemetery, and stopped by the house to pick up some paperwork. We said our final good-byes (see you in a couple of weeks) to his siblings, then we headed home. We drove straight through.
Her memorial (celebration of life) will be in two weeks. Peachtree Village in Farmington Arkansas has graciously offered their facility, and they will provide food as well. Ruth Ann worked there for a while, and they loved her. Everyone did! Her memorial will be held on Sunday, August 14 2022 at 2:00 PM. After that we will move to Lincoln Cemetery for the internment of her ashes.
You never know how someone is going to die. I was told 6-9 months when I was diagnosed with metastatic breast cancer in 2016, and I’m still here. One of my breast friends was deemed cancer free and she died in an accident. Tim’s mom was told 6 months, then she died from an accident. Tim’s dad also died from unexpected, strange circumstances back in 2003. You never know. We just live this little mist called life to the fullest every day, trusting God for the outcome–whatever that may be.
What do you know about tomorrow? How can you be so sure about your life? It is nothing more than mist that appears for only a little while before it disappears.
James 4:14 (CEV)
Memories. It seems a bit odd to be posting a blog about fun and sadness all at the same time. But that’s the way life is sometimes. It’s filled with ups and downs. The line from Forrest Gump is so true…Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you’re going to get.
If you’re my FaceBook friend, you can see a bunch of photos from our motorcycle ride. It’s hard to pick just a few, as there are so many photos and videos to choose from. Here are some of my favorite moments from our trip.
Paris…Texas that is!
We’ve decided to start visiting all the Airstream Dealers. Most of them have no inventory right now.Finally got to go there. See Tim disappearing into the cornfields?!Loved laying on the soft, northern grass beneath the large shade trees.That was a beautiful day for a ride! Welcome to the Rally. Here’s your swag.No rain to Duluth, then it hit! 😫😭 We stayed in Ranier, which is a quaint port town with an award-winning hotel just outside of International Falls. Another beautiful day for a ride! We did get spit on a few times, but missed the deluge.Six miles from Canada! We took a walk and it was much longer than we anticipated!Windy! See the flags? Enjoy the ride!!We could have gotten a challenge coin here! Totally missed it. 😫This was a beautiful stop. Two lighthouses at one location!
À la prochaine…hasta la próxima vez…until next time!
