Helping Couples (Book Review)

I am not even close to reaching my goal of reading one book per month this year. Can you believe it’s already August? We have been a bit busy on other projects. However, I did just finish a book that I thought warranted a review. It’s called Helping Couples: Proven Strategies for Coaches, Counselors & Clergy, by Drs. Les & Leslie Parrott and Dr. David H. OIson (published in 2021 by Zondervan).

I had a hard time putting it down. I finished it in a few hours. I highly recommend it if you do any work or research with couples. Even if you don’t, if you are married or contemplating marriage, this book holds value for you and your mate.

These authors may sound familiar to you. They are all famous authors and researchers. They have appeared on The Today Show, Oprah, Good Morning America, and more venues. They have all developed reliable, validated assessments for premarital and marriage counseling.

While some may think of them as competitors in the marital assessment market, they worked together to provide us with a brief history of how marital and couple therapy research got started, as well as provided a plethora of information about working with couples from an evidence-based perspective. Their book is graced with humility, as they share the information they have learned through their collective years of research, yet I never got the impression they were “tooting their own horn,” so to speak.

Drs. Parrott and Olson are giants in the field of premarital and marriage counseling, and even bigger giants as it pertains to research. They started researching couple therapy in the 1960s and 1970s, and haven’t stopped since. They are what we call scholar-practitioners, meaning they built a solid practice based on years of research. Over half a million “marriage champions” (I like that term), and over five million couples have been studied over the years to contribute to the information found in this tiny, but mighty, little book.

Helping Couples is just six chapters long, in addition to an introduction and conclusion. It’s only 141 pages and an easy read. The actual text ends on page 113. That’s because there are so many studies referenced in the text, they needed twenty pages to include them all in their Notes. Twenty pages of references! Many of the studies they conducted with their own teams of colleagues, but they also reference other important researchers and practitioners that have contributed valuable information to our field. They claim they did not write a comprehensive book, and it wasn’t meant to be. But it seems to me their research is pretty exhaustive.

Here are some highlights you will find in the book Helping Couples, in random order.

  1. Lots of quotes by theologians, authors, counselors, philosophers, and more to supplement the text. One of my favorites was this quote by G. K. Chesterson: “Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel,” (as it pertains to your relationship being unique.)
  2. Descriptions of various components of the SYMBIS (Parrots) and PREPARE/ENRICH (Olson) Programs. Both have value, depending on your particular style and interest. Also, both require training and certification to use with couples. Using the right assessment is critical in your work with couples. (I am a certified facilitator and trainer of facilitators for PREPARE/ENRICH, so it was helpful to learn more about SYMBIS.)
  3. Interesting stories from their early days of counseling. My favorite story was told in Chapter 6 by Dr. Olson. I literally gasped and then laughed out loud while I was reading in the café. He wrote about the first time he ever did couples therapy. No one had done it before, as person-centered and psychoanalysis with individuals were the therapeutic models. Yet, here they were working with a married couple in the same room at the same time. It’s not just the novelty of the first experience. He provided a little background on the couple, which is quite intriguing given their personal issues. I won’t spoil it for you, but it is worth the read.
  4. A good reminder of Gottman’s Four Horses of the Apocalypse. One of more of these “caution flags” inevitably precede a divorce. The presence or absence of these can predict marital success or failure at a 90% rate.
  5. A chapter on intimacy, which is the emotion in the marriage. The authors report that “intimacy is the number one predictor of happiness–or unhappiness–in a marriage.”
  6. Information on empathy. Couples need empathy for one another. When we move from “I” language to “we” language we begin to work together rather than against each other.
  7. The 31% factor. You can help a couple reduce their chances of divorce by 31%. It’s proven time and again in the research.
  8. A stage set for helping couples find lasting love, not just love.

I could go on, but I’ll stop there for now. I recommend this book to anyone who is in the helping business. Whether you are clergy, coaches, counselors, or marriage and family therapists, YOU are a marriage champion! Thank you for the work you do. Helping Couples is written for you.

Leave a comment below and let me know what you think. Be sure to tell me if you pick up the book, and what you think of it after you read it. You can purchase it on the Prepare/Enrich website for $9.00. Click this link to go to their store.


À la prochaine…hasta la próxima vez…until next time!

Re-Release of My Book

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Nearly a year has passed since the launch of my first children’s book. It takes a while to get to that point. And there’s that whole pandemic thing that got in the way as well. But we finally did it in March of 2021. Yay!

I don’t work on site, and my publisher is over 1,000 miles away. Everything we do is via email and phone calls. Sadly, during the week of my release, my editor quit. She just walked in and said goodbye, so I was told. No notices or anything. That says enough about her character, but she had also made a lot of promises on which she failed to follow through. Those promises were in my contract, fortunately.

They waited to do some of the marketing since the libraries were closed, schools were closed, and it didn’t make sense to market a book where no one would have access to it. So here we are, a year later. The publisher has decided the best way to fulfill their obligation, and to get my book out to market, is to do a re-release.

I am pleased to announce that process has begun. Today! February 1st.

Sooooo, they are doing it right this time. At least that’s what they tell me! The Kindle version will be on sale for $1.99 for two weeks, starting February 1st. Look for it there! If you would kindly purchase the Kindle version, or if you already purchased the book through Amazon, would you kindly take a moment to please write a review. I am shooting for at least ten reviews on Amazon. I would be EXTREMELY GRATEFUL! I hope they are all good reviews, but of course all feedback is welcome.


Finding a publisher, for those who are interested.

It’s a daunting task finding a publisher, to be honest. All the well-known publishers want celebrities (or their ghost writers) who guarantee millions of sales. They won’t accept a new author, and certainly not someone who is virtually “unknown,” as they are taking on a big risk since they pay up front for an author to write the book. Now that self-publishing is so much more popular, many authors choose to take that route rather than waiting for a traditional publisher to accept their manuscript.

When I published my first book, Mastering Test Anxiety, my co-author and I decided to publish with a professional counseling organization (ASCA, American School Counseling Association), as a way to give back to the professional community. They were looking for a book to add to their school counselor resource series. Although we are not school counselors, we are counseling professionals. We knew this book would greatly benefit children who were suffering from test anxiety as well as math anxiety. All royalties from that book went to ASCA. 

My second book, The Breast Cancer Journey: Stories of Hope With Action Items for Survival, was self-published through Westbow Press. This book was a compilation of stories from various breast cancer survivors, to help other survivors on their journey. Westbow Press is a division of the better-known publisher, Thomas Nelson and Zondervan. Overall, they did a good job with that book, and many people have been helped because of it. My co-author and I paid up front for publishing and design costs. We then bought books and sold them, to recoup some of that cost.

I turned all the royalties over to MD Anderson, to further research on cancer. Once my books were all sold, and I nearly broke even, I didn’t continue to buy any more. People can still get them on Amazon. Westbow seemed more interested in selling books to the author, rather than doing the marketing for the book in other venues. To get marketing support—you got it—you have to pay for another package.

A true self-publishing company, Westbow asked for more money at every step of the process. We could accept or decline, but authors are very limited as to how much support you get from a purely self-publishing company. I already mentioned marketing. Here’s another example. We had two reviews of the cover design. If we didn’t like it the second time, we would have had to pay for another revision. Fortunately, we liked it the second time. But that’s a lot of risk when you don’t know the designers you are working with. Additionally, you have to pay for an editor. We decided to hire an outside editor rather than use one through Westbow. (I could write a whole blog about editors, which I’ll save for later.) 

That brings me to my third book, One Day I Tried to Rhyme a Word With Onomatopoeia. This was my first children’s picture book, with full-color illustrations. It’s the first book in a series, or “I can say big words” series. Some of the words may or may not have six syllables, although that was the original intent. I didn’t want to go fully self-published with Westbow, as I felt the marketing and other services were lacking. I wanted a bit more support along with my up-front costs. I really wanted a traditional publisher to take it on, to get the marketing, editorial support, as well as illustrative supportive, but traditional publishers are not accepting unsolicited manuscripts, and unwilling to take the risk. 

I did some searching and finally landed on a company called Atlantic Publishing, out of Ocala Florida. We visited their location while we were there, toured the warehouse of books, talked with their editors and support folks. They seemed legit. They seemed genuinely interested in selling my books, not just selling my books to me. Some might say they are vanity press, but they are known as a “hybrid” publisher. Their claim as a traditional publisher is to provide you with all the traditional supports, but they do not take on the risk. So, authors pay up front for the publishing process, then sales come later.  I felt like I had a much better publishing experience with Atlantic than I did with Westbow. They provided me with an editor who stuck with me through the process. She found an illustrator (gave me several choices). We were able to make multiple revisions to the illustrations until I felt they were right. Yes, I had to pay for the illustrator, so that was an added expense, but it was worth it.

I recently learned that the owner of Atlantic Publishing passed away in mid-December. His brother is working on making the company strong again. I have hopes they will do so, but I seemed to fall through the cracks when my editor left and covid hit. So, I am waiting to see what will happen with the re-launch as to whether or not I will go with them again.

Now, on to the next project. I am working on two more children’s books at this writing. They are both sequels, per se, although one will be a chapter book from the older brother’s perspective. They are going camping in an Airstream Travel Trailer with their grandparents, and oh, it’s lots of fun! The other book is another rhyming six-syllable book like Onomatopoeia. It will look like the first one in terms of colors and size with the same characters. It will be a picture book as well.

Where I publish these two books is still a bit of a mystery. Atlantic is still working on righting their ship, so I have lost a little confidence in them at this point. (If they offered me a contract, I would certainly take it.) I’m debating on using KDP, which is Amazon’s publisher, because it won’t cost me anything to publish and then I can put more of my emphasis on marketing. 

If you have any suggestions, or opinions on where to publish, I’d love to hear your comments below!

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À la prochaine…see you next time.

Spiritual Retreat

My husband and I recently went on a spiritual retreat, with the primary goal of letting our souls catch up to our bodies. This rat race of life, work, avoiding COVID, societal tension, all while fighting terminal cancer can move us to become very busy people. Frustrated people. Angry people. Unfocused people. Sometimes we just need to get away and retreat to gain proper perspective. Sometimes we need a mountainside where we can pray.

After he had dismissed them [the crowd],

he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray.”

Matthew 14:23 (NIV)

We headed to Boulder Colorado for some inspiration (and cooler weather). Backpacks were filled with food, chairs, study materials, and of course water. Each day would bring a new adventure, and cooler temperatures than we have in Texas!

I deleted FaceBook from my phone so I was not distracted by the world. I wanted to focus on the Lord and listen to what He had for me.


We studied the books of First and Second Timothy separately and together, engaged in prayer and planning, went on hikes through the mountains and foothills, and walked through a wildlife refuge. We sat by a mountain river and studied Scripture, while enjoying the fabulous backdrop God provided. This particular hike was a bit challenging for me (four miles total), but God provided me with the strength I needed.

“I lift up my eyes to the mountains— where does my help come from? My help comes from the LORD, the Maker of heaven and earth.”

Psalm 121:1-2 (NIV)

In the wildlife refuge near Denver we witnessed bison, prairie dogs, elk, deer, coyote, and more, then sat by a lake to study. Mountain views were once again our backdrop.

The foothills blessed us with a colorful paraglider show in the sky, as well as mountains in our view. Bumblebees busily buzzed around us as we studied and had lunch beneath a shade tree. The hike up the hill was harder than it looked!

“For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love and self-discipline.”

2 Timothy 1:7 (NIV)

We built altars to commemorate our time with the Lord.

See Joshua 22:26-27.

My eye was behind the camera at times, taking in the view through my little black box. But much of the time I just sat and took it in. Listening to nature, and listening for anything the Lord might say. Few photos remain from those moments, but the pictures are firmly planted in my mind.


Paul’s letters to Timothy are inspirational. I admit I was not initially all that excited, but it was quite a good read. I encourage you to read them and study them. These letters are a personal word of encouragement to Paul’s spiritual son. Timothy became a Christian under his ministry. He tells us Timothy’s mother and grandmother were a big part of this process. This affirms my role in the lives of my grandchildren!

Paul also wrote these letters to describe his ideas for structure in the church setting. As we reflected, we imagined he is looking back over many years of ministry. While he has started churches organically around the region, he now recognizes they need some organization if they are to grow and succeed. He gives Timothy ideas on how to structure the church for success.

Similar to Paul, we have been involved in ministry for many years. We have planted churches. We have passed on the baton to other leaders. As we delved into the letters to Timothy and reflected on its meaning for us personally, we realized we have learned much by working in churches throughout the years. God has given us much. We are grateful he has gifted us with knowledge, education, and experiences. This means we have great responsibility.

“When someone has been given much, much will be required in return; and when someone has been entrusted with much, even more will be required.”

Luke 12:48b (NLT)

We are hopeful there are some Timothys out there who will listen to our wise counsel as we serve and coach pastors and churches. Paul also urges Timothy to stay alert in terms of doctrine, to watch out for false teachers. We felt this is particularly important during our current time as we see so much false teaching in the world. Part of our responsibility exists in truth-telling.


Second Timothy was especially endearing to me, as it was the last book Paul wrote before he was to be executed. The first letter was written from a place of house arrest, where he could have visitors and roam about freely. The second letter was written most likely from a cold and drafty dungeon, where he was in chains because of his faith. Only one person (Luke, the physician) was with him. Paul knows he is about to die.

In addition to much learned (too much to include in this blog), this study made me think about my life. Who would I would write to at the end of my life? What would I say? What would I want them to know? What would God inspire me to say to them? I found it very interesting that Paul chose to write to Timothy. Not his wife, not his children (assuming he had any), not to his physical family, but to his spiritual son and family. He was most concerned about the life of a young preacher, the advancement of God’s Kingdom, and the security of His church. Oh to be like Paul…

I long to have this kind of Kingdom mindset, so these things are always in the forefront of my thoughts. Always.

À la prochaine…until next time.

Buy My Book!

Prototype of the book cover.

I’m so happy to announce I have started a Kickstarter Campaign to publish my new book: “One Day I Tried to Rhyme a Word with Onomatopoeia!” It’s a story of a young girl who sets out to rhyme a word with this very big, six-syllable word. She asks for help along the way, from friends, family members, and even pets! Some are more helpful than others, but at the end of the book she realizes all the sounds and rhymes she has heard in her adventure.

This story was started by our family. To pass the time on a road trip with our high-school sophomore, I said, “Let’s write a poem! Finish this phrase…One day I tried to rhyme a word with Onomatopoeia,” and from there the book was born. It has fun sounds and phrases, colorful pictures, and diversity. Diversity is a hot topic right now, which I am pleased to include in the book. The family is multi-racial, and the main character has colorful friends. This is one of my bucket list items, which I have finally taken the time to pursue. I am SOOOO excited to finally be at this place.

This is the first in a series entitled, I Can Say Big Words: The Six-Syllable Series. It will be published in multiple languages as well. Please review my Kickstarter video and consider making a pledge! This is an all-or-nothing campaign, meaning I must meet my goal in order for your credit card to be charged. I have SIXTY (60) days to meet my goal, so hurry!

You will find the book, some teacher rewards, as well as some rewards with a plush Bumble Bee toy. The Bees are crocheted by a friend of mine, who is donating the bees in honor of her mother, who also has metastatic breast cancer. We share that in common, as well as love for our Lord Jesus Christ.

What is on your bucket list?

Á la prochaine…until next time.

Write a Book Review

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Have you read The Breast Cancer Journey?  If so, we would love to hear your feedback on how this book has impacted your journey. Or let us know how you are using this book to minister to others.

Please scroll all the way to the bottom of this page to write your review. (Reply in the comments box below).  I will personally respond to each comment submitted.

Alternatively, and maybe even better, please go onto Amazon.com and write a review. Your support is greatly appreciated!


The book is wonderfully written and the stories are believable.  Many books I have read were more unbelievable and made up to sound too good.  Best book I have read!!!  ~Eleanor Sommer, Survivor

Official Book Launch

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Lucinda West and Pamela Schlembach Primary Authors

It’s official!  With this book launch we hope to see sales skyrocket so funds can be given to further the cause of research and finding a cure.  If you haven’t picked up a copy, please do so today!

Lucinda (Cindy) shares what this project means to her.
Lucinda (Cindy) shares what this project means to her..

Wednesday May 11th ladies from the Breast Friends support group at MD Anderson who have contributed to this project gathered together with their friends and family members to talk about how writing their story has impacted their lives.

The massive book signing event was reminiscent of Yearbook Parties from our high school days.  Tears flowed and laughter filled the room as we shared stories and encouraged the newbies who joined our group for the first time.

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Thanks to the MDA ladies who help lead this group every month!
The MDA ladies who help lead this group every month!

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