Category: Caregivers – Family Members

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Day 7 of our 35th Anniversary Trip – For Shawn

Short site seeing trip through the Badlands National Park and an early lunch at Wall Drug. If you’ve never been there, it’s like a shopping mall but every store is owned by the same family. Their story is incredibly inspiring. While we were there we learned that my brother Shawn had passed away. 😢😢

The day was bittersweet. While we were enjoying sights and capturing wildlife on camera, my brother was struggling with his life. He had a triple bypass surgery a few weeks ago, came home from the hospital, and today I received the call that he was in cardiac arrest. He died about an hour later. 😢😢😢

Tim had just recorded me singing Amazing Grace in a chapel in Wall, South Dakota, which was our last stop of the day. The chapel is dedicated to the travelers who came through the area. The acoustics were beautiful and I just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to sing. It seems appropriate to share this story in memory of my older brother. We are all just passing through. We are travelers…don’t get too settled because this is only a temporary home! Shawn is HOME now. Heaven must look good.

My brother was sixty years old and the oldest of us three (I’m the baby). I am still in shock that he is gone. We just talked about a week ago. Now, he is probably partying with Mom and Dee (Mom died in 2014, and his wife died in 2017.) This is one of the first pictures I have of us three kids. This was taken in our home on McKinley Street, in Middletown Ohio. Our street recently became famous in the best-selling book Hillbilly Elegy, soon to be released as a movie. Small world indeed.

Providentially, today is our last day in South Dakota, and we had already planned to leave and head toward home tomorrow. I don’t know any details on the funeral, or whether I will be able to go. Their 23-year old son Christian is the only one left in the family, and he will be planning everything. It will take us about four days to get home as we see some heat in the forecast. Then we can decide. We washed clothes and we are all packed.

Aside, when I was diagnosed with terminal cancer I assumed everyone would outlive me. Here I am four years later and going strong. You never know how much time you have! Every day is precious. Live life abundantly as Christ would have you to live.

Á la prochaine…until next time…Shawn, à bientôt!

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Day 5 of our 35th (Riding Free)

Day 5 of our 35th Anniversary HOG Ride. From Kearney, Nebraska to Rapid City, South Dakota. 

We rode 436 miles today.

The projected storm ended up delayed so we made it all the way to Rapid City where we will stay three or four nights. We road the Sandhills Journey Scenic Byway for a couple hundred miles, following the Middle Loup River and a railroad most of the way. Ruins and cemeteries decorated the path, making us wonder if there were any unique tombstones or gravesites of famous locals. This is a pretty cool ride, actually. We saw three out of the 10 “must sees” on the link above. In the spring, sandhill cranes migrate through this area, and the prairie chickens put on a show (apparently). We’ve seen the cranes in Florida, but they are here in abundance so we want to go back in some future spring.

We took the scenic byway all the way to Alliance, which has brick roads downtown for a super cool ride. Tim said he saw some old guy checking me out as I passed by 😂. You can hear me commenting on it in this brief video.

If you touch it, will you transport in time? Get it...? transport. 😆😆😆😂😂

Before leaving Alliance, we stopped at a unique art exhibit called Carhenge (cars painted and put in the ground patterned after Stonehenge) 😂😂, then rode through the Nebraska National Forest and two more scenic byways and on to Rapid City (through miles of construction).

We decided to give our legs a break for a few days. We have seen some of the sights from the road on a previous bike trip, so now we plan to get closer. They only had two options…a 1500 Dodge Ram or a minivan. You can guess which one we picked 😂. We didn’t realize it was missing running boards until Tim had to hoist me in, laughable for sure.

Found a fabulous pizza place before heading back to the hotel. It rivals our favorite pizza joint in Florida. I had the Wisconsin Cheese soup and garlic knots, but Tim’s pizza was some of the best we have tasted. The weather was perfect for outside dining, and again no one seemed too concerned about the coronavirus. Few if any masks out in public. We steered clear of people and kept our faces covered, but it was nice to feel a sense of normal again. 

As we were heading to bed the sky lit up and gave us a beautiful show. What a storm!

Á la prochaine…until next time!

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Day 2 of our 35th (Riding Free)

Day 2 of our 35th Anniversary HOG Trip: Prague, OK to Manhattan, KS. 

Happy Anniversary to us! Today is the official day. Thirty-five years. May we have at least 35 more.

Great ride through some scenic byways in Kansas. We’ve never been in this part of the state before. Weather was perfect. Cool morning with some heat in the afternoon. Found a perfect picnic spot in Florence for lunch, with cold 99.99% pure spring water running from an old fashioned pump. It was a blessing which brought us much needed relief from the afternoon heat! We soaked our clothes, which were dry within ten minutes of leaving the picnic area. But those were a nice ten minutes!

Today is our actual anniversary (35 years!) so we went for a walk to an open restaurant in Manhattan, Kansas where we are staying tonight.  It’s hard to find things open with this pandemic, but this was a treasured spot indeed.  Locals call this town “The Little Apple”. 😂 Get it? 😂

Bourbon and Baker is a small plate specialist where we had our anniversary dinner. We shared three entrees: St. Louis style ribs, Fried Chicken and Biscuit, Cornbread Slider. And for dessert: Purple Pride (buttermilk cake). It was all so very tasty and delicious!

Total miles Days 1-2 are 750. I forgot to post our miles last night. We rode about 413 yesterday and 337 today. 

I will take this opportunity on our special day to say that while we have our ups and downs, moments, squabbles or frustrations, there is no one I would rather be sharing life with. Weirdos get weirdos, and Timothy — you get me! I can’t believe it’s been 35 years!! To my Riding Buddy, Lover, BFF, Favorite Human, Handsomest Husband, Housekeeper, ChemoBuddy, Snoring (purring) Buddy, Caretaker, Father to my kids, Yoda to our Jedi, and Lifelong Partner in the Ministry, HAPPY 35th!! I love you … more. 🥰😉

Á la prochaine…until next time!

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Four Christmases

I’m not a fan of Vince Vaughn, but this year we related to the movie starring him and Reece Witherspoon 😂. Travel and family circumstances made it impossible to have one Christmas with everyone present. It was different, but not necessarily bad. Just…different.

🎄Christmas #1: On Christmas Eve morning we had our own Christmas with just the two of us in our temporary Florida home. We felt a little like snowbirds who winter there. We exchanged gifts and had cinnamon rolls for breakfast. This was the first year we were able to return shirts that didn’t fit…on the same day they were opened. It was a little weird not waiting for Christmas Day, but we enjoyed having a quiet Florida Christmas by our little tree decked out in Harley-Davidson ornaments.

We did enjoy a Christmas Eve service, which is part of our tradition. Tim spoke in both services, and the church had a great turnout of over 1,000 people. I believe this is the highest attendance since the split occurred over a year ago. Hearts are starting to heal, and it was a wonderful night of worship. Immediately after the service we headed out for an all-nighter. We drove straight through to our Texas home so we could see our family on Christmas Day. This is the first time I have pulled an all-nighter like that since…I don’t remember when 😆 . We made a bed in the back of the SUV and I slept for several hours. I also drove for a few hours, so Tim could get some shut-eye.

It was a peaceful ride, as the roads and the sky were both clear nearly all the way home. The stars ✨ ⭐️ 🌟 shone through the moonroof, and the hum of the engine provided a nice rhythm while laying horizontal on our makeshift bed in the back. We got home around 10:00 in the morning and I immediately started cooking.

🎄Christmas #2: Our son’s divorce was finalized this year, and the girls were with their mom for Christmas this year. Bryan brought his girlfriend Gabriella (Bree for short), for lunch with us. It was odd not having all the grandkids together, and not seeing him with the girls, but we were so happy they stopped by. And there were presents, of course.

🎄Christmas #3: Out daughter Elizabeth and her family arrived just about the time Bryan and Bree were leaving. For a fleeting moment it felt like old times 😔 . For the next couple of hours we got to focus on Liz, Anthony, and their kids, and of course watch them open 🎁 presents. I think I can get used to the new “normal” for our Christmas; it was less chaotic having two children instead of four opening gifts. Paige started tearing into presents (that were not hers 😂) before it was time to do so. She has definitely gotten the hang of it! An Einstein piano for Paige, and a Little People track for Gabe, along with a few other things. They loved their new toys!

🎄Christmas #4: At the end of the day, Maggie brought the girls over and we enjoyed seeing them open gifts as well. Frozen is the theme of the year, as it is Alison’s favorite. Hannah is the sister, so she gets all things Anna, while Alison gets Elsa. They seem to make it work, and they typically get along well. They know how to open presents 🎁! I love those girls! Maggie had them for Christmas this year, and they will rotate holidays from hereon, so Bryan will have them on Christmas Day next year. We are so glad Maggie has chosen to keep us in her life. We love her; although she is no longer married to our son, we still consider her our “daughter-in-love.”

Whew! That was quite a day! It was fun but I am so glad it is over. It was different because I truly enjoy having the whole family together. Yet, in some ways it is a bit easier to manage as we could focus on one family at a time. I suppose we will get used to this new normal. One thing I would like to try within the next year is to have all the grandkids together for a picture with Nana. I am hopeful we can accomplish this task! Now…time for bed!

Á la prochaine…until next time!

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From Texas to Florida and Back Again

When we were asked to go to Florida for the months of November through January, I said, “Those are the best months of the year to be in Florida! Why not?” Of course we had to ask God if it was okay, and He confirmed this was the place as He had a special assignment for us. I have felt such a sense of peace about this decision from the git-go. It is definitely a God-thing.

We packed the car and drove the distance just before Thanksgiving. Long story shortened…my husband (and I) accepted a short-term assignment in Vero Beach, Florida. This is a joint effort between Texas and Florida Ministries of the Church of God (Anderson, Indiana) to help a large church in crisis. Tim is the “Bridge-Interim Pastor” for Pathway Church, formerly known as the First Church of God, in Vero Beach, Florida. They have been through some leadership issues and are in between pastors. They have lost members due to the crisis. Their interim pastor wasn’t able to come until after winter, so they needed someone to help fulfill the recommendations of their recent consultation and fill the gap. Tim was a good choice because the Texas ministry slows down this time of year, and this is what he does with churches all over the state of Texas. It’s a great fit for this assignment.

But what about chemo? Doctor’s visits? How will all that work? The church was most appreciative of the opportunity to have a state administrator serve during this time. They agreed to our conditions. They found us a house in Sebastian, with a garage and everything. I will travel back and forth to Texas every three weeks for treatment and scans or doctor’s visits as needed. Because it is one week out of three, I am scheduling everything during the week I am home. Sometimes Tim will go with me, and sometimes he won’t. We may fly or we may drive, depending on the circumstance. We will take the bike to Florida so we have it to ride, and it gives us two vehicles in each state. (My bike will remain in Texas.) We will be in Florida every Sunday as Tim is preaching, and they will live stream his sermons. While all the details are not yet determined, one thing is sure…I will see the grandkids while I am home!

Á la prochaine…until next time.

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Who will take care of me?

I just realized it has been three months since my last blog. And it was the week of Residency, which is this week as well.  What are the odds…Perhaps my quantitative friends can help figure that one out.

I had my chemo and XGeva this morning. My nurse was rushing like a bandit because she knew I was hoping to get out early. I got in early, about 30 minutes. That’s usually unheard of.  Unfortunately we can’t rush the chemo. Drip, drip, drip. It takes at least an hour regardless of how much we try to force it.  Then there is the preparation, and the flush in between, and after, and the Heparin. All in all, it takes a solid 90 minutes even if the stars align.

I’m sitting at Panera waiting for my hubby to join me. I was rushing to get out of chemo because he had a doctor’s appointment, and I wanted to be there.  My nurse could sense the urgency, as I don’t usually ask them to hurry up.  This is not your usual, ho-hum, mundane visit to the doctor. He’s been having symptoms. Headaches and such.  His doctor ordered a brain scan. They found “something.”  Today’s visit with the neurologist would help determine what they found. Unfortunately, he made it to the doctor before my last drip, so I’m waiting for him to tell me the results.

It’s always hard to wait for results from a scan, test, or other medical procedure, but I have learned how to be patient during the waiting.  Endurance produces character (Romans 5:4).  Last week I had a moment. Sometimes we joke about death – it may sound morbid but it’s our way of dealing with life with cancer. In the midst of laughing I had a sad thought. If something happened to him, who will take care of me? Shake it off…it was only a momentary lapse from the usual positivity we embrace.

He’s here…………….

Praise God my hubby came bearing good news! The spots on the brain scan, which were confirmed by the neurologist, are like age spots on your skin. (Ha! Despite his boyish face and blond hair, I knew he was aging.)  The doc says there is no concern. They ruled out all the biggies like MS, stroke, blockage, etc. In fact, it is likely the headaches created the spots. (I didn’t know headaches could do that.)  He does have some stress in his life, as any caregiver can relate, which may be contributing to the symptoms. The doctor recommended watching his cholesterol and blood pressure. Tim told me this as he was salting his apple.

Basically, the doctor ordered my hubby to de-stress and decompress.  Sounds like it is time for another ride.

À la prochaine…until next time.

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I Just Want to Help

I Just Want to Help

Michael Weaver

My Story

When my wife was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I felt helpless because I could not actually fight the cancer for her. I knew it was difficult for her because she is a clinical social worker, so she is aware of what women with breast cancer may go through, having helped many women in this situation herself. As a doctor it was difficult for me too, because I am used to helping people with different illnesses. This was not my specialty, and now there was even less that I could do for her medically. However, I made a choice early on after her diagnosis that I would be a husband for her, and not her doctor. Continue reading “I Just Want to Help”

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I Quit

I Quit

I. M. Poppy

“‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” ~Jeremiah 33:3 (AKJV)

 

My Story

One evening near the end of my wife Vicki’s 5-year brave battle with cancer, she was having an extreme anxiety attack.  She didn’t appear to have any acute pain but was desperate.  She cried, she moaned, she rocked, and she shook her bed and pleaded with God “take me home.”  Two of my daughters and their significant others sat with me in our bedroom. We tried our best to console her. We all hugged and cried and prayed together.  It was a horrible experience. Finally, with the help of medications, she settled and slept.  We too settled and the girls went home. Continue reading “I Quit”

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The Caregiver’s Labor of Love

The Caregiver’s Labor of Love

Don Harkey

My Story

The life of a caregiver can be described as both the best of times and the worst of times. When my wife Kathy was first diagnosed with breast cancer, I think my first reaction was one of total selfishness. “How was this cancer going to affect me?” “What would this do to our happy little life?” “Would we still be able to go out to dinner, go to the lake, or go on vacations?” “How would I work?” “Why has God chosen to put this burden on me?”   The pity party had begun. Later, I felt guilty about my initial reaction. To some extent, I think Kathy had the same reaction. Her concern was, of course, on a much deeper more visceral level.   Let’s face it—when your life is on the line, some of the day-to-day worries take on a vastly increased significance. Continue reading “The Caregiver’s Labor of Love”

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Life is Like Jazz

Life is Like Jazz

Sara Rogers

My Story

I was with my mom when the doctor told her she had Stage II breast cancer in her right breast. My first reaction was disbelief, then denial, and finally acceptance. “It’s nothing; we can get through this.” I am the eldest and my mother is a single parent. Therefore, I had to grow up pretty fast in my younger years. I helped raised my sister and my brother, so naturally, I felt I was responsible for taking my mother to her treatments while I was working and supporting my own family. Continue reading “Life is Like Jazz”

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