“Rejection hurts at any age,” said my wise 22-year-old daughter. We were just talking about a missed opportunity for a mutual friend.
A toddler playing with toys babbles and cries while pointing to a sibling, who won’t play with him…rejection hurts.
A child is the only one not invited to a birthday party…rejection hurts.
Middle schooler does not get picked to be on the team…rejection hurts.
A high schooler gets turned down after finally gathering the courage to invite that special someone to prom…rejection hurts.
Young adult hears “no” or “not now” when popping the proverbial question…rejection hurts.
A mom’s child is not accepted into the desired private school…rejection hurts.
Divorce papers are served…rejection hurts.
A person in the prime of life is passed over for a promotion…rejection hurts.
Man with just over a decade from retirement discovers that his age is now a factor in not getting that dream job…rejection hurts.
An older couple invites the family for a holiday, but their children have other plans…rejection hurts.
Rejection hurts at any age. It doesn’t feel good to hear the word “no.” Our human side jumps to “I’m not good enough,” or “I’m not pretty enough,” or “They don’t love me,” or “_______________” (you can fill in the blank).
We’ve all been there. We’ve all experienced rejection in some form or another. Some have a longer lasting impression, but the hurt is hurt regardless of age or circumstance.
Jesus understood rejection. The prophet Isaiah spoke of this many years before his birth. He is familiar with the pain and suffering that rejection by another human being delivers. He was rejected to the point of being murdered. He can empathize with you when you hurt. When you are feeling rejected, go to the one who knows us best. He will never leave our side.
“He was despised and rejected by mankind, a man of suffering, and familiar with pain.”
Isaiah 53:3a (NIV)
Oh, sure, we may take a day or two to feel bad, and we may even bemoan the rejection and throw ourselves a self-pity party.That’s human nature. That’s normal. But…it isn’t healthy to stay there. We must pick ourselves up, go the Lord in prayer, and listen. He may have something even better in store. Remember the old saying:
“When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us.”
(attributed to Alexander Graham Bell, although many have been credited for this seemingly anonymous saying)
Way to go Alex! But in reality this concept appeared in the Bible way before Alexander Graham Bell, Helen Keller, or anyone else wrote it. Paul may not have used the words windows or doors, but the idea is right there in Romans. The suffering we experience from rejection can make us stronger if we look to the Holy Spirit for God’s will in our lives. Suffering (and one might say suffering from rejection) builds endurance, character, and hope… the other door.
“But that’s not all! We gladly suffer, because we know that suffering helps us to endure. And endurance builds character, which gives us a hope that will never disappoint us. All of this happens because God has given us the Holy Spirit, who fills our hearts with his love.”
Romans 5:3-5 (CEV)
Gladly suffer? Gladly? I may need to work on that.
So, yeah, rejection hurts at any age. But the pain and suffering will lead to strength as we learn how to embrace it.
Two days ago the WHO declared the coronavirus a pandemic. This has resulted in unprecedented changes in our country, as well as around the world. Schools, churches, and other gathering places have closed for an indefinite period of time in my area, as well as other parts of the United States. As one of my friends noted: when Disney World closes, you know things are getting bad. This is not true in some countries where there are many COVID-19 cases, I am told, where schools are still open and the numbers of ill are increasing exponentially. It has been interesting from a people-watching perspective to observe the various responses to this current crisis.
The thing I least expected was the shortage of toilet paper. Many people are asking why? The short answer is based in at least two psychological phenomena: retail therapy and panic-buying. Buying all the toilet paper on the shelves helps people feel a sense of control in an environment where they sense a lack of control. It’s relying on an external locus of control to control one’s internal emotions (retail therapy). Also, if you walk into a store and see everyone buying toilet paper, you may panic and start buying your own (panic-buying). It’s a good idea to stock up on essentials, but a strong head on your shoulders can be helpful in this panic-driven society.
God is our internal locus of control. He has it all in control. Let’s not forget that.
Honestly, I’ve been wondering why we haven’t seen the same phenomenon happening with diapers and wet wipes, but that may not provide the same sense of relief for a purely personal need. Are we thinking only of ourselves? Hmmm. 🤔 I suppose we could go back to washing out cloth diapers. Then again, we could do the same as our ancestors did before toilet paper existed and use a corn cob. 😂😂😂
I’ve digressed.
As a patient with metastatic breast cancer, my curiosity with the coronavirus has heightened due to concerns of my own immunocompromised body. My white blood counts are fine at this time, but I am told my body has a harder time fighting infections, viruses, and diseases due to the cancer that still lives within. I take lots of supplements, use essential oils, and of course I pray many times throughout the day. I am also washing my hands frequently, using the 20-second rule.
We were traveling when all of this began. We have been on the road since March 2nd when we left Vero Beach. First we went to the Exponential Conference in Orlando where 5000+ church planting professional gathered together. (They didn’t seem too concerned about the Coronavirus at the time). Next we drove to Charlotte, NC for Tim’s national council meetings (starting to see a little concern in the US at that time). And now we are in Oklahoma City for a wedding he is officiating for a friend (pandemic and panic are evident across the media). My observation is that the change in attitudes and behavioral responses happened very quickly, as does the spread of this virus.
It is surreal, as it seems life goes on in most of the places we are visiting. Restaurants are filled with people, as are the malls and hotels. Yet, notices of school closings and other event cancellations have been showing up on my FaceBook feed and ticking across the TV throughout the night. Every news channel and radio station is focused on this event. This morning I prayed God would direct me to the places that are virus-free. We will be back in Texas on Sunday, and then I can hunker down and stay home until this passes.
You may recall I belong to an online support group of over 5,000 MBC patients. I posted a thread… “Coronavirus check-in. How is everyone doing?” which started a very active discussion from patients living all over the world. Most of the threads said they were doing okay, with a brief update on what is happening in their world. A couple of people used the forum as an opportunity to state their political views, of which I was uninterested to participate to be honest. Aside, this isn’t about politics. You can argue the response of various leaders from both sides, and no matter how red your face gets, the other parties will become even further entrenched in their views. It’s just not worth it. We believe what we believe, and we need to accept that. We need to work together here to fight this thing.
MBC group members in the hotspots seem to be a bit more concerned than the rural areas, while many are trying not to let this interrupt their flow of positivity. Overwhelming responses to my question indicated we are more aware of our frailty, and we are taking whatever precautions are necessary to keep us safe and healthy. But this is something we do all the time, so it is not necessarily new to us. At least two people in the thread have contracted the virus, or are being tested for it. Others have bronchitis, the flu, pneumonia, or other major illnesses. It is challenging enough to fight cancer without this added concern. For them I am praying.
In addition, there is a fear that if we do not “flatten the curve,” medical professionals who are inundated with cases will be forced to choose who gets treatment and who does not. In essence, doctors will be placed in an ethical position to say who lives and who dies. This is already happening in other countries, and could happen here if we do not contain the virus. The concern in my group is that we will not be deemed valuable enough to save, since we have already been diagnosed with a terminal illness. We would not receive the last ventilator, for example, if they did not have enough to go around. One woman has been fighting MBC for 11 years. She is doing well. Her body is stable, but she still has MBC. She has children to care for, and she expressed her fears that the medical professionals would place her lower on the list of those “valuable enough” to save, if it came to that.
There are those who still feel we as a nation are overreacting. Perhaps. I am not writing this to debate whether the decision to close flights or other gatherings is the right or wrong thing to do. I am writing this because I think it might be helpful to inform you of the fears that go beyond the lack of toilet paper, whether or not we can go to school or church, or whether we can go to Disney World or the Houston Rodeo or an NBA game. I wanted to let you know there is a real concern amongst those who are battling a chronic illness, cancer, and probably the elderly. MBC patients live daily with the reality of life and death, yet now have to face yet another crisis that impacts already frail emotions.
So far I am virus-free, and so is my hubby. We are taking precautions as much as we can. It is suggested we stay home. Stay away from people. Wash our hands. I agree, and I plan to stay home as soon as we are home. 😉 But there is another side to this as well. Every time someone goes into public with the potential to infect another, they are putting others at risk. You may not even know you are infecting others. While social distancing may not feel good, I think we can find a way to make this work. Altruistically. It’s only temporary anyway. Let’s rely on the words of Jesus for this one…
A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.
When I was asked to share my breast cancer journey in the chapel at the church where my hubby was serving as interim pastor, of course I said yes! The date was set. We promoted it for a few weeks and I was really looking forward to sharing. But I got sick in the middle of the night…the not-so-good (is there any “good”?) kind of sickness. 🤢 🤮 💩 Whatever I ate the night before came out with a vengeance. I was in no shape to go to church or share my story. It was all I could do to climb out of bed and make it to the porcelain bowl. My sweet husband stepped in and shared his perspective. He’s been so busy, but he did that for me. I’m sure his side of the story was entertaining as well, but I knew I would need to set the record straight and correct some of his antics 😂.
So, a few weeks later, we tried again. This time I was not sick. I was actually feeling really good. I was fully prepared, and I even figured out the Apple TV so I could share some “never-before-seen” pictures of my cancer journey. I showed them my 2013 smiling face just before surgery, and the portrait of me with the “crown” screwed onto my head from the Gamma Knife a little more than a year ago. I was smiling in that one as well, but right after my doctor took it and showed me the picture, I broke into tears. Reality bites…
That’s how it is on this journey. It’s not a straight, uphill or downhill ride. It’s a supersonic roller coaster with surprise twists, sharp turns, sudden drops, and steep inclines. Sometimes it makes you want to scream, and other times you can’t help but laugh. It can be gut-wrenching and emotionally draining, while at the same time we often forget we are living with a serious illness. We just go on living.
I sometimes wonder how long the ride will last, but then that moment passes and life goes on.
We had a great turnout. The chapel was full…standing room only. I shared my journey, explained a few things about breast cancer and different types, provided some tips for caregivers, and most of all gave God the glory for my currently stable body. It was a great day. (My only regret is that I did not get a picture to remember the day. Hard to believe, I know! I did not take a picture.) 😃 😂
That is but a small and insignificant consequence of being fully on and fully present. Living life abundantly means glorifying God with my life, living each day to the fullest, engaging with people, and being mindful of how my life may impact those around me. I have since had several people come up to me and share how much they learned that they didn’t already know, how it helped them, and how it will help them to help others. Women have asked me questions which helps them to make better choices about their own health. A few people bought books, and others are probably reading this blog as soon as I hit the “Publish” button. I feel like this speaking gig was a success on many levels, and it gives me encouragement to continue to do more. If I can help even one person by sharing my journey, it is worth it.
I will be sharing my story at Pathway Church of God in Vero Beach, Florida on Sunday, January 19th during the Sunday School hour (8:45 – 9:45 AM) in the Chapel. You will hear humorous, serious, and not-so-fun medical experiences, and how God has shown up in miraculous ways to care for me and Tim along the way. I will also share insight for caregivers based on real patient stories.
Perhaps some of you would like to come and hear me speak, and then join us for the worship service that day. We would love to see you!
Happy Day after Christmas!
I love waking up to everyone’s Christmas photos. Children laughing, opening gifts 🎁 , people smiling 🥰, eating good food, having lots of Christmas fun. We had a great day as well. Photos are sure to come 😂. We crashed early and slept all night—in our own bed. I am starting to feel normal again. #whatisnormal?
On the day after Christmas I am reminded … some are glad the holiday is over. It was hard for you. You were just getting by on a thread. I’m praying 🙏🏻 for you by name. God is wrapping you in love as Mary wrapped His Son Jesus that first Christmas morn. He is laying you in a soft place where he will watch over you and protect you. His angels are all around, singing lullabies of comfort. He loves you! 🥰
A lot of people lost a loved one this year by death or divorce but…
We made it!
Others are still battling this ugly disease called cancer, but we are here another day…
We made it!
Some are empty nesters for the first time, or family did not feel the same as it has been in the past…
We made it!
Others could not be with family or friends because of distance physically, or perhaps emotionally…
We made it!
I am reminded that Jesus started his lowly life in a humble manger. He lived his life perfectly, although he was despised and rejected by others. He wept as loved ones died. He cried when he saw the misery of those around him. Tears stained his cheek in the garden when he knew he was going to die. He was nailed to a tree. He died….
But He made it!
Three days later he rose again to bring us new life!! 😲😇 He is ALIVE!
As we move into the season of a New Year…we have another chance to live every day of our life to the fullest. As Jesus did. Weep, inviting Him weep with you. Laugh, with joy of the Lord as your strength. Ask Him to be a part of every minute of your life, every single day. Let him guide each step you take. I don’t guarantee you won’t have trouble, but Jesus guarantees… We will make it!
With love and a great big bear hug 🤗 from your friend Cindy. 🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄🎄
Last week, before we left for Florida (more on that in another blog), I went for my first bone density test in several years. This is by far the easiest of all exams. You lay on the table and the machine seems to take a photocopy of your bones. It’s painless, and there are no invasive needles to accompany the exam.
The last time I had a bone density test, I was told I had osteopenia. The next step is osteoporosis. Of course that didn’t sound good. Since my MBC diagnosis, I have been fighting bone mets, as you know. The doctor also prescribed Xgeva in the beginning, and now I am on Zometa. It’s a treatment to strengthen the bones. Our bones are similar to a suspension bridge, with strategic holes to allow flexibility. Cancer in the bones begins to eat away and create even larger holes, which puts me at risk of fractures. The medicine is designed to make my bones more solid. Not as much flexibility, but less chance of fractures as well. That could be a totally incorrect explanation, but it’s the best I can do.
Long story short…instead of moving toward osteoporosis, I now have normal bone density! That, in itself, is a miracle. I honestly was not expecting that. I thought for sure I would still have osteopenia at best. But God is good. I believe He is strengthening my bones with each infusion. It’s not just the medicine at work here people. It’s the movement of the Holy Spirit at work in my body, fueled by the prayers of His people.
This reminds me of the story of the Valley of Dry Bones, in the book of Ezekiel, and the song that goes along with it. We used to sing it in children’s church, and church camp. Do you remember singing this with me?
Bones represent an indestructible life in Scripture, according to one author. That’s about right! No matter what some may think, cancer cannot destroy my life! And now I have the bones to prove it.
When we were asked to go to Florida for the months of November through January, I said, “Those are the best months of the year to be in Florida! Why not?” Of course we had to ask God if it was okay, and He confirmed this was the place as He had a special assignment for us. I have felt such a sense of peace about this decision from the git-go. It is definitely a God-thing.
We packed the car and drove the distance just before Thanksgiving. Long story shortened…my husband (and I) accepted a short-term assignment in Vero Beach, Florida. This is a joint effort between Texas and Florida Ministries of the Church of God (Anderson, Indiana) to help a large church in crisis. Tim is the “Bridge-Interim Pastor” for Pathway Church, formerly known as the First Church of God, in Vero Beach, Florida. They have been through some leadership issues and are in between pastors. They have lost members due to the crisis. Their interim pastor wasn’t able to come until after winter, so they needed someone to help fulfill the recommendations of their recent consultation and fill the gap. Tim was a good choice because the Texas ministry slows down this time of year, and this is what he does with churches all over the state of Texas. It’s a great fit for this assignment.
But what about chemo? Doctor’s visits? How will all that work? The church was most appreciative of the opportunity to have a state administrator serve during this time. They agreed to our conditions. They found us a house in Sebastian, with a garage and everything. I will travel back and forth to Texas every three weeks for treatment and scans or doctor’s visits as needed. Because it is one week out of three, I am scheduling everything during the week I am home. Sometimes Tim will go with me, and sometimes he won’t. We may fly or we may drive, depending on the circumstance. We will take the bike to Florida so we have it to ride, and it gives us two vehicles in each state. (My bike will remain in Texas.) We will be in Florida every Sunday as Tim is preaching, and they will live stream his sermons. While all the details are not yet determined, one thing is sure…I will see the grandkids while I am home!
Oscar Wilde said, “To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” When I was diagnosed with Stage IV Metastatic Breast Cancer, I woke up. I had been existing, but had I been living? Retirement suddenly seemed out of reach. I envisioned existence on earth to be much shorter than I had always anticipated. I contemplated whether I would live to see another Christmas, birthday, or grandchild enter the world.
That was December 2016, and I’m still here! We have since had three Christmases, Easters, birthdays, and added two more grandchildren to the Nana and Yoda clan. You know if you follow my story, my body is stable and the treatment is working. I am blessed, and I am grateful.
After the initial shock dissipated and we had a treatment plan in place, my husband and I set a goal: to live. Enjoy the company of the ones we love, stop to smell the roses, smell the rain, study the Bible, play, travel, activate the brain, help someone, relax, listen for God’s voice, have a deep conversation, learn something, laugh, dream of the next big adventure, prepare for the future, take care of my body, attend a support group, savor food, share life.
Cancer may have altered my existence, but it cannot take away my life.
I admit it is tiring at times. I move slower than I used to. Sometimes my body hurts. My mind is not as sharp as it once was. Occasionally I take a nap or put up my feet. Caring friends often tell me I am too busy. I should slow down. And sometimes I do.
Yet, even in the slowing down, I choose to live. We do not want to merely exist, trudging from sunup to sundown, grinding the same routine. Determined, we live life filled to capacity and overflowing.
What about you? Do you merely exist, or do you live?
Á la prochaine…until next time.
“A thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I have come so they may have life. I want them to have it in the fullest possible way.” ~Jesus (John 10:10, NIRV)
The Nitty-Gritty Gritty Blog Explained. (Scroll down or click on recent posts to read the most current blogs.)
Merriam Webster defines grit as both a noun and a verb. As a noun, it can be “small loose particles, sand or gravel,” or something similar. I kind of see my cancer that way. My body has a bunch of loose particles, and I have experienced lesions that look a bit like sprinkles of gravel on the CT Scans and MRI pictures. Technically, cancer is a normal cell (or cells) gone rogue rather than a foreign object like grit, and it is much larger and more dangerous than a piece of sand in your shoe. However, I think this concept of grit could fit. (See what I did there?)
When you get a piece of grit in your shoe, it is an annoyance. It is a constant source of irritation. Some people stop the journey because of the discomfort; hikers take off the boot and remove the pebble. They immediately find relief. If left unchecked long enough, it can rub the skin raw, turning into a sore that potentially becomes infected and impacting the rest of the body with fever, chills, and even death.
We have done what we can to remove the cancerous grit throughout my body. Previous blogs will tell the whole story, if you have time to read it all. While my body is currently stable, and has been for several years, the cancer and treatment are ongoing. Body scans continue to show “hot spots,” but they have not progressed since 2019. It is very likely the spots in my bones are where the cancer was, rather than where it is.
I am a lifer. Although I look healthy, until they discover a cure for stage 4 metastatic breast cancer, I will most likely be in treatment for the rest of my life. (You can read further about my treatment in various blog posts.) Like grit, cancer and treatment continue to annoy due to the frequency, side effects, and ongoing pain where the cancer has impacted various parts of the body. Like grit, I am reminded that what starts small can grow into something more serious if it is not treated (and sometimes continues to grow even when it is treated). Like grit, it is annoying, but I am pulling off the shoe the best way I know how.
The fourth definition of grit (noun) is also why I named my blog the Nitty-Gritty Gritty Blog. Webster defines grit as “firmness of mind or spirit: unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger.” That definitely fits. Regardless of the hardships, I remain steadfast in my journey with God as my support and encourager. I have unyielding courage because his Holy Spirit is holding my hand. My friend Jesus walks beside me and keeps me company during treatments and scans. This blog will take you through a dangerous journey I have encountered, and continue to hike each day. It will do so with the firm and courageous spirit which God has provided.
Lastly, grit (verb) is also defined, “to cover or spread with grit.” I like that. That’s what I aspire to do, cover you with grit. Spread the grit. Make you gritty as well! In this blog I also hope you catch the courageous spirit as we look at day-to-day life with breast cancer. Breast cancer which was deemed “cured,” but metastasized to other parts of the body. Breast cancer which is deemed by medical journals and doctors as terminal; yet, life goes on! I hope you apply each lesson to your life and realize you too can have firmness of mind and spirit and unyielding courage in the face of hardship or danger.
Perhaps you are also experiencing a difficult journey right now. Or maybe you are just a kid and you have a long journey ahead of you. Whatever your stage in life is, please know that God can grant you peace and comfort as you encounter grit in life, and he can cover you with grit to pull through!
This blog is nitty-gritty, because we get down to business. And it’s a gritty blog, because my mind and spirit are firm. I hope reading my story will provide you with a bit more grit as well.
It isn’t the mountain ahead that wears you out;
it is the grain of sand in your shoe.
~Anonymous~
P.S. Some people may wonder why I started ending my blogs the way I do. I chose this tagline because I love the French culture. I have many French friends, and I am trying to learn how to speak their beautiful language. I also close with this phrase because I believe we will meet again whether in a blog, on earth, or one day in Heaven.
À la prochaine…until next time.
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“‘Call to Me, and I will answer you, and show you great and mighty things, which you do not know.” ~Jeremiah 33:3 (AKJV)
My Story
One evening near the end of my wife Vicki’s 5-year brave battle with cancer, she was having an extreme anxiety attack. She didn’t appear to have any acute pain but was desperate. She cried, she moaned, she rocked, and she shook her bed and pleaded with God “take me home.” Two of my daughters and their significant others sat with me in our bedroom. We tried our best to console her. We all hugged and cried and prayed together. It was a horrible experience. Finally, with the help of medications, she settled and slept. We too settled and the girls went home. Continue reading “I Quit”
