The nurses are hustling and bustling today. It’s the last day this MD Anderson center is open until after Christmas. Several techs and nurses have commented on how they are looking forward to the holidays!
In addition, the downtown center closed some of their infusion rooms to make room for COVID patients. MD Anderson just got the vaccine. They are the first hospital in downtown Houston to get it. My nurse said she is going down there tomorrow to get vaccinated.
On a “normal” day this center would treat around 80 patients, here in The Woodlands. Today, they have treated 127. I am one of them…tucked away, way back in the center. It was just luck of the draw as it happened to fall on Christmas week. Every three weeks…like clockwork.
In addition to infusion, I was seen by the P.A. We were both a little confused as to why I was here. I was just seen a few weeks ago, and I normally visit the doctor every 3-4 months. We finally decided it must be a follow-up from when I had pneumonia. She also asked where I get my annual physicals (pap and breast exam). I go to the gynecologist once a year, but she said they might want to start doing them here. 🤷♀️ She’ll check with my doctor when he gets back next week.
I gave the P.A. and my nurses some peanut brittle to thank for them for all they do for me. They were very grateful. My chemo nurse has two teen-agers, so I imagine they will enjoy it as well as her husband.
I’ve never made peanut brittle before, so this was another thing to check off my bucket list. It’s a miracle it turned out so good on the first try. Otherwise I would have resorted to store-bought cookies. I used the raw peanuts that you have to shell. Shelling the peanuts took longer than completing the recipe. Otherwise, it was quite easy in the microwave, thanks to a friend’s recipe.
This will be my fifthChristmassince my MBC diagnosis. They didn’t think I would make it passed the second when they first diagnosed me, but God had other plans! I am so blessed to have good doctors, and a great God who has brought me this far. It’s also my ninthChristmas since the first diagnosis in 2012. (I was diagnosed right before Christmas both times.)
I want to live life to the fullest. Every day is a new beginning, and a new opportunity to serve the Lord and fulfill his will for my life. This may require me to take risks, within limits of course, and try new things. I am open to whatever He has for me. We are starting a new adventure with our Airstream, and we are beginning a new ministry.
Every year I think of something new I want to try, see or experience. This year, it was peanut brittle. I’m finished with all the presents, wrapping, and even the stocking stuffers. Now I can spend the next few days baking, writing music, and enjoying the week before Christmas.
It’s official! I am no longer employed. (Insert Fanfare and clashing symbols.) Thus ends the last decade and chapter of my life.
I’m calling it “early retirement,” since that’s how it feels. I have previously blogged about being disabled yet not always feeling disabled, and taking time off for self-care. You may have read some of those. To recap, I have not been working as a full-time faculty this entire year due to my metastatic breast cancer diagnosis. I did work for three years from 2016-2019 while undergoing treatment, but I found I just couldn’t keep up the same pace I used to do. Workloads were increasing as well as demands, and there was no reprieve in sight. My body was constantly feeling stressed and needing a break.
Honestly, it’s a full-time job just keeping up with my doctors and scans and treatment. Some weeks I have three or four visits in a row. And while other weeks I have none, brain fog sets in or my back hurts or I get tired and just need a nap. I don’t typically complain about it, but it is reality. We decided it is better for me to spend the energy I have with the hubby, doing ministry, playing with the grandkids, and enjoying life rather than grading papers. The older I get, the more I realize the importance of spending time with the important people in my life.
“At twenty-one, so many things appear … permanent.”
Orson Welles
Through our 35 years of marriage, my husband and I have learned to value change and transition in life together. We began the process of downsizing last year in preparation for this moment. We moved to a smaller house and paid off debt. I filed for disability at the beginning of this year, which progressed from short-term to long-term to SSDI (Social Security Disability Income). Our income has drastically decreased, but we are making it. We have stepped out in faith to begin a new ministry, and we know God will take care of us. He always does!
Aside, long-term disability insurance is well worth it. If your employer does not pay for it but provides it as an option, take it! If you never use it, you are blessed. But if you need it, you will feel doubly blessed!
FMLA ran out in March, but my company kept me as an employee on an ADA accommodation in case I was able to come back. They wanted me to come back, but I don’t see how I could. It has been an emotional process, honestly. One spends a lifetime developing an identity, career, and sense of self. Admitting I have a terminal illness and will not go back to work has been a bit daunting. Yet, I know how important it is to take care of myself. I imagine the questions I have been asking are very similar to the a retiree’s experience, so I consider myself retired….
🤔🤔 What do I do now?? 🤔🤔
You’ve probably been our Airstream videos…so that’s one thing. 😁
In retrospect, I left my job at just the right time. God’s timing is always perfect, and I don’t know why I sometimes fail to listen better. He knew what He was doing when He prompted us to downsize and stop working in January. He knew the plans He had in store for me, plans to give me hope and a future (Jeremiah 29:11)!
He also knew the pandemic would have been a challenge to navigate as well! In the last few months, as rumors turned into reality my employer started downsizing. One might think online education companies would be booming during a pandemic, but apparently people are not enrolling at the same rate because they are not working. It seems every change in these “unprecedented times” results in a very large snowball affecting many more people in its path. My university has gone through multiple changes — even more since the beginning of this year — which means heavier and heavier faculty workloads amongst other things that concern me. They started downsizing.
My separation from the company is voluntary. I’d love to tell you all about it, but I am bound by a confidentiality clause: “Unless required to do so by subpoena or as otherwise required by law, you agree not to disseminate or disclose the fact of or terms of this Agreement, the discussions leading to this Agreement, or any subsidiary undertakings required by this Agreement, except to immediate family, government agencies, legal counsel, or tax advisers as may become necessary.”
🤔🤔🤔 Hmmmm. It didn’t take long to decide. I would have been terminated anyway, due to my FMLA running out, so this was kinda a “no brainer.” I’d rather leave voluntarily. Suffice it to say, my full-time career permanently ended yesterday. Permanent sounds so…final. Perhaps my full-time job has ended, but I will never cease to learn and grow.
“We are by nature observers, and thereby learners. That is our permanent state.”
Ralph Waldo Emerson
October 16th. My mother who is now in Heaven would have been 80 years old on my last day of employment. It was her birthday. Ironic how important dates seem to intersect across one’s lifespan.
I feel blessed to have worked for a company over the past eleven years that provides good benefits, in addition to working for previous employers who provided retirement benefits. As I said before, God is good and He will take care of me and my family. If there is anything I learned from my mother, it is to have faith in God. He will supply all your needs.
This may sound a bit strange, but in some ways I consider myself “lucky” to have this diagnosis (as opposed to alternative options). I feel pretty good overall (always subject to change, of course). I generally have strength and energy to do things I love. I get to spend time with my family, compose music, go on bike rides, write blogs, take walks, learn French, write books, travel, draw, enjoy nature, check off my bucket list, and do things I want to do. More importantly, I am looking forward to pursuing deeper meaning and purpose by listening to what God wants. I wish for the final years of my life to glorify the Lord, serve Him, and point others to Him…whatever I do. I may be no longer employed, but I will do the Lord’s work for the rest of my life.
“Whatever you say or do should be done in the name of the Lord Jesus, as you give thanks to God the Father because of him.”
We did it! We purchased a new recreational vehicle/RV. It’s a 2021 Airstream International 30RB-Twin to be exact. We are moving toward a new ministry adventure and it will be exactly that. I can’t wait to share the details of the ministry in a later blog, but for now I’ll share some details of the Airstream. Isn’t she a beaut?!
We pulled it home from DFW Airstream in Ft. Worth today, after signing the papers and doing the walk through. It’s intense folks! Lots of learning to do. A diesel would have pulled a bit smoother, but our RAM 1500 did just fine.
We were full-timers in a fifth wheel with our daughter and little dog back in 2012, just before I was diagnosed with breast cancer the first time (that’s the reason we came off the road). We have a working knowledge of the RV set-up, but it’s amazing how much you forget after eight years. Plus the Airstream has just a few differences compared to what we had before.
We knew we didn’t want another fifth wheel, so we were debating between a diesel pusher and a travel trailer. Lots and lots of reasons why we decided to go with an Airstream related to health, overall value, and what is available in the market right now. The RV industry is craaazzzzyyy! We had a hard time finding a rig, and when we did it was sold before we could get to Dallas. They had another one en route and since we had seen the inside of the other one we snatched it up. If we hadn’t, it would have been February before we could get one.
It’s hard to get Tim to do a video, but we made this brief video of us taking it home. Tensions were high as we had just pulled away from the dealership and it was a challenge getting out of there!
And here’s a silly video of the inside tour. I’m so glad we are going to be able to take trips together and do ministry together. More on that to come!
I just received the first draft sketch of the book cover for my children’s picture book, One Day I Tried to Rhyme a Word With Onomatopoeia! I am pressing on with publishing, but I decided to use a professional illustrator. I am so excited! Once the cover is complete we will be able to take pre-sales. The whole book should be published within the next two to three months. It is cutting close for Christmas, but I am hopeful!
Now that I am not working full-time, I am able to check off items that have been lingering on my bucket list, like writing children’s books. Do you have any to those? I’d love to hear in the comments below. If you could do one item on your bucket list in 2021, what would you do?
Á la prochaine…until next time.
In the end, it’s not the years in your life that count. It’s the life in your years.
Abraham lincoln
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You may chuckle if you’ve heard this one before. About two years ago we bought a dually one-ton truck with full intentions to pull a fifth wheel, then something happened that changed our minds. I think the brain mets might have scared us at the time, or for other reasons the fifth wheel ended up not being the right choice. Timing wasn’t right and we traded the truck for a VW Atlas SUV. Who does that? 😂
That was then. This is now. We are no longer afraid of my diagnosis, nor our future. We are living life to the fullest. We are living life in the present, fully engaged in ministry together. We are no longer worried about my cancer coming back because, guess what, it already did! My body is stable, and there are lots of treatment options if anything recurs. Worrying and fretting does not alter reality.
“Don’t live in the past or future…make history.”
~Wally Byam
Like the RV industry, trucks are hard to find! It’s nearly impossible to find a good used one, and the choice on new ones is slim due to decreased production in the pandemic. We settled on a 2020 Dodge Ram 1500, equipped with the tow package. The color is Patriot Blue with a black interior. It has new technology so we can charge our devices on the road. After multiple trips back and forth, they gave us a better deal than the Ford dealership could offer us. It has a little ding on the passenger door, so they also threw in service for two years because they didn’t want to fix it. (This was part of the reason for the back and forth, as we were looking for one without the obvious flaw.) Once the papers were signed we ended up in a better position than our VW Atlas. My husband is a negotiating savant. Amazing.
They gave us a “We Owe” to add the trailer break control. This is a requirement or the Airstream dealer will not let us drive off their lot. After we signed all the paperwork we went to parts department who said these were on back order until December!! Whaaaat?? Yet another result of the pandemic and decrease in production. We were about to tear up the contract, but they managed to do some computer voodoo and find us the part. Whew! We will have that installed on Monday. Wow! What a drama…
We got it home and it barely fits in the garage…barely! But it does fit with a few inches to spare. They were true on their word. I may need to lose a few pounds to squeeze over to my side. 😂
If you read my last blog you will recall that we are fully intending to keep this one. I made Tim promise we would not buy a truck until we had bought an RV. 😂 We put down a deposit on an Airstream and we are not going back on this deal! We will reveal more about our new ministry in time, but this is the first step of faith toward following God’s leading.
“Taking a leap of faith is better than taking a leap of doubt.”
My medical vocabulary has increased dramatically since starting this journey, which is hopefully making up for my decreasing vocabulary due to old age and brain fog 😂. I had my echocardiogram on September 4th, and follow-up with my cardiologist who did an electrocardiogram today.
Both of these events take place at the medical center in downtown Houston, which is not my favorite drive. Today’s traffic came to a screeching halt when an accident blocked all but one lane of traffic (the on-merge ramp). 😱 😱 Tim was driving me down there, as he often does, but this was the worse we have seen it. Fortunately we left a bit early, so I arrived exactly one minute before my appointment.
In case you are wondering, an echocardiogram (also known as an “echo”) is not the same as an electrocardiogram, better known as an EKG or ECG. For an EKG, they stick electrodes on your chest and print a read-out. It takes longer for them to bring the system into the room than it does to actually conduct the test. I had that done today, and I was a bit annoyed because this meant my appointment would be longer than expected. MUCH longer than expected because I had to wait for each person to come in the room. Since I just had the echocardiogram I thought that would suffice, but NOOOooooo. 🙄🙄
An echocardiogram is much more intense than an EKG, including access of the veins (they always do contrast for mine), sticking on the electrodes, and doing the test. It’s like an ultrasound of the heart and valves with lots of pictures, sounds, and color. It’s pretty interesting if you have never done one. The first time I saw my heart I was in awe…wow! That’s my heart! It’s losing it’s novelty since I go in so often, but it’s still pretty interesting to watch the little flaps go up and down on the screen while the heart is pumping the blood.
Until now I have been directed to do the echos every three months. Now, I can do it every six months. Yay! And, I can do it the same day I go to see the cardiologist. This means I just decreased my trips downtown from 8 to 2. More time to ride the Harley!
Incidentally, my oncologist said there isn’t a requirement to do the echo when you are on Herceptin. In fact, some oncologists don’t do them at all. Why? Because they don’t want to know! That’s right…if they don’t know it is hurting your heart, they don’t have to stop treatment. My oncologist requires it because he said he wants to know! It is easier to correct a problem with a pause in treatment than it is to reverse advanced heart failure when it’s too late. I love my doctor. He cares about treating the cancer, but he is also concerned about the whole body. My heart is grateful.
The only number from the echo he really watches is the Ejection Fraction. Mine typically hovers in the high 50s, which is the normal range. One time it was 40-something when I was seeing my local cardiologist who estimates the EF, so that is why he wants me to go downtown from hereon. The echo they do downtown with the contrast provides an exact number rather than an estimate. I found the brief video linked above to be interesting, as I am watching my EF as well.
Today was #chemoday. Truthfully I am on biotherapy, but most people don’t understand what that means. So, we call it chemo. It’s maintenance drips of Herceptin and Perjeta, which I get infused in the chemo room at MD Anderson, given by the chemo nurses every three weeks. No major side effects to date, and I’ve had more than 50 of these.
They got me in for treatment and even finished early, so we jumped in the car and took a drive to Dallas to look at an RV — a 2021 Airstream International 30RB Twin to be exact. If you haven’t been following the RV industry lately, it is hopping! It’s nearly impossible to find anything locally, or anywhere for that matter, as people are working from home and staying in the USA due to COVID, meaning they are buying up recreational vehicles.
We are in the process of launching a new ministry, where both of our skill sets will be vital to its success. We love doing ministry together, and we love challenging people to a spirit of adventure. We will be sharing more about this ministry as it unfolds, but the ride up and back included dreaming and planning how an Airstream can help fulfill our ministry goals.
We were “full-timers” about 8 years ago, in the latter half of 2012. We lived in a fifth-wheel with our then 9th grade daughter and our little dog Midge, traveling from location to location where we served the churches in Texas. We learned a lot about the RV lifestyle. This was brought to a screeching halt when I was diagnosed with breast cancer the first time. We sold the fifth wheel in exchange for chemo, surgery, radiation, and more treatment.
We have always dreamed of going back on the road, and God seems to be saying “now.”
No, we aren’t selling our house. No, we aren’t going full-time on the road. But, yes, we will be doing life and ministry together and it has the potential to happen in a silver RV.
A fifth wheel requires a lot more set-up than a travel trailer, is heavier to pull, and in general has more potential for things to go wrong with it. We crossed fifth wheel off the options. Our final debate was between a Class A motorhome or bumper pull. We really wanted the motor coach, but could not justify spending the money. We looked at cheaper travel trailers, but most bumper pulls as well as fifth wheels are made with formaldehyde (we can smell it and it burns my sensitive eyes!).
In the past two years we have done a LOT of research, and the Airstream checks the most boxes in our “must have” list. It has quality parts as well as an iconic history. Without the challenge of navigating slides, we feel this will give us the most flexibility as well as comfort on those longer road trips. Our research shows it has the highest resale of all products on the market as well.
This is definitely a leap of faith, and we are looking forward to seeing what God has in store!
“And without faith it is impossible to please him, for whoever would draw near to God must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who seek him.”
I just got a call from my radiation oncologist. My brain MRI came back clean. No new lesions or growth. I’m on an every 4 month schedule now. Praise the Lord!
On another note, I saw my optometrist who said I have double vision. Maybe I’ve had this a while. In the past I said, “yes” when asked if I was seeing two charts next to each other, but I never told him one was higher than the other. Note to self…point out the obvious, even if they don’t ask. He asked if the charts are side by side. Well, they were, but they weren’t aligned vertically. I pointed this out and then he said, “let’s talk about that.” So, now I have a new prescription for glasses with prism. 🤓
I’ve been out of glasses for a few years now, due to cataract surgery (except I do need readers). I was a bit disappointed with the prospect of wearing glasses 24-7 again, but at least now I won’t have to look for my readers!
That likely explains the occasional dizziness. 😔 I’ve never heard of a prism issue. He said I probably lean my head to the side to compensate, so I maybe never really noticed. This could account for the neck and shoulder pain. I recall a chiropractor telling me I lean my head to one side way back in early 2000s. He said it was a back alignment issue, and adjusted me. Who knows? Like I said, maybe I’ve had this a while. Or maybe it’s new.
The two are likely not related, although brain issues can impact vision. My radiational oncologist is going to send the MRI result to my optometrist and see if he needs anything else. MD Anderson does a whole brain MRI with and without contrast whenever they do it. Next time they do the MRI they would look at the areas closest to my eyes more closely if they think this is a problem. It is not likely a brain issue. It is probably the muscles around my eyes…due to getting old or perhaps due to chemo. It may be totally unrelated to cancer.
Who knows…it’s always a mystery as to how chemo affects the rest of the body.
208.8 miles today…. in the rain. Cleburne, TX to HOME (Conroe, TX)!!
Today was our last day. Sad the trip is over but we are so glad to be home. We purposefully rode further yesterday to make today a shorter day. We kept watching the weather and there were thunderstorms all around us. But we decided to press on and prayed the whole way. It rained, but the visibility and temperature were manageable.
It rained for the first two hours—we were soaked to the bone—so we stopped in the new Sonic in Hubbard for a reprieve. It’s an indoor Sonic, not a drive-in like you typically see. I did not want to get back on the bike, but the show must go on!
After that we debated our route and decided to get home the fastest way possible. On to the interstate! From Buffalo the ride home was rain-free!
Total trip miles…3,008.8 (some 2-up, and some on two bikes). On my bike I rode 2759.9 miles!
Time for the 10,000 mile service!
As I reflect on this trip, I am grateful to the Lord for so many things. We made it, and we made it safely. (I did lay the bike down once, but that’s par for me.) I am thankful for a husband who supports me in my cancer journey, and even helps me get the bike into a good position for pulling out of parking spots. I am so blessed to have a stable body, with the ability to ride my own ride and go the distance. While I may get tired a little easier, I still have the ability to ride. We may sell my bike at some point and go back to riding 2-up on all the trips, but at least I can ride! God has blessed me with so many things. I can’t complain.
Thankful for a safe ride, for all the wonderful sites we saw, and for the joy of being together to celebrate our 35 years of marriage. Like I told Tim, this trip mirrored our life in many ways. Ups and downs, rain and sunshine, beautiful sites and some boring as well, life on the wild side, frustrations and love, laughter and tears, education and recreation, yummy foods and boring breakfast bags, exhausting but exhilarating, and so much more. We hope there are at least 35 more!
370.5 miles today. Zig Zag route from Woodward, Oklahoma to Cleburne, Texas.
KSU 6:30 AM. We were trying to get ahead of the storm. It was still dark when we left. Unfortunately we never saw the sunrise because it was sooo cloudy all day. 😪 Very few patches of blue sky. I wore my clear goggles all but the last thirty minutes of the day.
It’s always an adventure!
We had planned on going one route, through Elk City, but my GPS had other plans 😂. At one point we were zig zagging through the countryside on Oklahoma county roads that didn’t even show up on Tim’s nav. Similar to when we rode through Kansas, these roads turned into dirt roads right after we turned off, so we were sweating bullets at times! It may have been an angel 👼 preventing us from the big storms which we could always see in front or beside us, but we did not ride under.
We ate breakfast at Love’s because we are so tired of the COVID- bag breakfast in the hotels which only offer a muffin at best. The Love’s cashier was an interesting lady. She rides this trike to work every day. She converted it to power with a 1-gallon gas tank all by herself. I love meeting people on our trips as they lead such fascinating lives!
We finally saw the sun! Somehow we managed to ride between the storm clouds for most of the day.
We did get rained on, only briefly, but we managed to avoid riding through the bad thunderstorms. We pulled into a roadside (covered) picnic area for a snack in Olney, Texas off 281 and the rain stopped. This is a new road for us but we have noticed Texas has lovely picnic stops. Incidentally a Sheriff pulled in the spot next to us, eating his BBQ lunch. We made sure to STOP as we were leaving (our last trip we both got a ticket for not stopping completely at a stop sign).
When coming through Wichita Falls, the temperature changed from a very cool 78 to a hot 90 in about one minute or less. Sudden changes like that are not usually a good weather sign 😳. A supercell formed to the east of us bringing heavy winds… so we kept plodding along.
We arrived at our hotel in Cleburne Texas just before the sky opened up. It did finally catch up to us after we checked into the hotel, so we ordered food from DoorDash. Wicked storm for sure!! We scored with an upgraded room and upgraded snacks. 😃 They talked us into trying the local root beer, and it was delicious! I would definitely have it again.
Flash Flood warnings – we are so glad to be inside! This storm looks like it will be hanging around a while. We have a short ride home tomorrow. About four hours. They are expecting more thunderstorms all day . Praying the weather changes or we may have to hang out here in Cleburne until it passes. We are debating whether to just leave my bike here or grin and bear it. I admit I am a little scared! 😱😱
Cleburne, TX to HOME (Conroe, TX)!!
(our last trip we both got a ticket for not stopping completely at a stop sign). 
